[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Saturday, March 12, 2005

my world has died. i am not the stella i am used to be anymore.

nobody understands the trauma i went through. i wish to run to someone. who can i run to.

i dont want to be me anymore. i wish i died. really. but when i think of my parents, i think i will let them down if i died.

y do i still have to think for others, when others dont even think for me. y do i have to go through all these when i am about to go crazy.

its hard pretending to be happy in front of people, esp my parents. I wished i wasnt at home but at the same time, i do not want to step out to the outside world.

some people think i am acting pitiful, do i have to thank those people who made in into such a state. if you could go through what i have gone through, you dont know how much strangled i am.

who can i talk to. talk to my best fren, it didnt help. talk to my blog, talk to god..

maybe its better that i lose myself. im sorry rac, alyssa, ruth, grace, my parents. i am not strong. im weak,i admit. im starting to think if im losing my mind. and it scares me. i dont dare to be strong cos i dont want to fall again. i wished i cry and and never be able to cry again.

i really dont want to be the stella anymore. im tired. im really tired. exams..i give up.

i cried my heart out at 4:35 PM