Saturday, April 30, 2005
Sat 11.30pm
Just had my dinner. Late huh..Chinese food..Yummy..Went to Yorkdale shopping centre around 4pm & shopped til 9pm. Shops here closed at 9pm everyday except for sunday, it closes at 6pm. Again today, we couldn't finished walking around the whole mall. I have no idea why their shopping centres are massive huge & you'll take days to walk the entire mall. Legs hurt..haha..
Did shopping again. Spent CAD150 today..Sigh..I am going crazy. Spent mostly on soveniers today again. It's really very tiring & taxing to think of what to buy, who to buy for etc. Esp for 30 people. Spent so much money on prezies & i'm really trying to scrimp for myself. Making shopping kinda tedious for me. I will be looking out for things to buy for people rather than myself. I'm glad i bought myself a 'Mango' lookalike jacket for a good price & two tops. Wanna get Aldo boots for myself cos i often visit cold countries. Planning to go Japan in Dec. Cynthia..here i come. U beta welcome me!! Urgh..do i have to go Bangkok when i reach S'pore in June? Shopping again? Soveniers again? I'm gonna be squeeze dried. *wails..
Going to church tomorrow with Ber. Hee..And then prob durin noontime, we will go & catch a movie. It's expensive here. How's the pics? haha..havent really taken much. Will post up some more soon. Feel free to scroll..Its going 12pm,betta catch some winks. Bonne nuit.
Sat 11.30pm
Just had my dinner. Late huh..Chinese food..Yummy..Went to Yorkdale shopping centre around 4pm & shopped til 9pm. Shops here closed at 9pm everyday except for sunday, it closes at 6pm. Again today, we couldn't finished walking around the whole mall. I have no idea why their shopping centres are massive huge & you'll take days to walk the entire mall. Legs hurt..haha..
Did shopping again. Spent CAD150 today..Sigh..I am going crazy. Spent mostly on soveniers today again. It's really very tiring & taxing to think of what to buy, who to buy for etc. Esp for 30 people. Spent so much money on prezies & i'm really trying to scrimp for myself. Making shopping kinda tedious for me. I will be looking out for things to buy for people rather than myself. I'm glad i bought myself a 'Mango' lookalike jacket for a good price & two tops. Wanna get Aldo boots for myself cos i often visit cold countries. Planning to go Japan in Dec. Cynthia..here i come. U beta welcome me!! Urgh..do i have to go Bangkok when i reach S'pore in June? Shopping again? Soveniers again? I'm gonna be squeeze dried. *wails..
Going to church tomorrow with Ber. Hee..And then prob durin noontime, we will go & catch a movie. It's expensive here. How's the pics? haha..havent really taken much. Will post up some more soon. Feel free to scroll..Its going 12pm,betta catch some winks. Bonne nuit.
i cried my heart out at 11:27 PM
Friday, April 29, 2005
10.30pm Fri night (S'pore Sat 10.30am) Backed from "London". It's a quiet & remote small town. I guess it wouldn't be nice to stay there but good enough for a visit. They even had a small 'Thames River', trying to imitate London huh. My cousin drove a 'chevrolet'..comfortable seats for that total 5 hrs of drive. In Canada, its left-hand drive..so weird to see my cousin sitting on the left hand side. laughs..not used to it. Went Toronto airport at about 8pm to send my cousin's friends off. Its a new Terminal 1 & its beautiful & very hi-tech. i arrived at T3 the other day,not that fantastic. Ber & Chris saw Ben Affleck few minutes before i came out to the arrival hall! Tsk tsk..i missed it!
Ber, chris & friends are going clubbin tonight. I'm not going. Wanna take a good rest..prob some other days. Will be alone at home..Munch some snacks & watch tv.
Shopping in Toronto (downtown) never ceased. We took about 8 hours to walk around half a mall at 'Eaton' yesterday & we have yet to finish the whole mall. Probably i will go there soon again! Tomorrow i'm going to 'Yorkdale', the huge mall near the house though..haha. It has been 4 days in Canada. I think its kinda fast. I'm so afraid of reaching the day when i have to go home. Pics posted up!!
10.30pm Fri night (S'pore Sat 10.30am) Backed from "London". It's a quiet & remote small town. I guess it wouldn't be nice to stay there but good enough for a visit. They even had a small 'Thames River', trying to imitate London huh. My cousin drove a 'chevrolet'..comfortable seats for that total 5 hrs of drive. In Canada, its left-hand drive..so weird to see my cousin sitting on the left hand side. laughs..not used to it. Went Toronto airport at about 8pm to send my cousin's friends off. Its a new Terminal 1 & its beautiful & very hi-tech. i arrived at T3 the other day,not that fantastic. Ber & Chris saw Ben Affleck few minutes before i came out to the arrival hall! Tsk tsk..i missed it!
Ber, chris & friends are going clubbin tonight. I'm not going. Wanna take a good rest..prob some other days. Will be alone at home..Munch some snacks & watch tv.
Shopping in Toronto (downtown) never ceased. We took about 8 hours to walk around half a mall at 'Eaton' yesterday & we have yet to finish the whole mall. Probably i will go there soon again! Tomorrow i'm going to 'Yorkdale', the huge mall near the house though..haha. It has been 4 days in Canada. I think its kinda fast. I'm so afraid of reaching the day when i have to go home. Pics posted up!!
i cried my heart out at 10:50 PM
the sky i captured during the car ride to "london". The sky here seemed nearer to the earth,i don't know why.
i cried my heart out at 10:14 PM
yup thats the sunglass i bgt from London airport! And this black wool pullover from Guess.
i cried my heart out at 9:57 PM
I'm so tempted to buy back for my mummy!! But i cant!!
i cried my heart out at 9:45 PM
Brrr..its cold at London Ontario..5 degrees
i cried my heart out at 9:44 PM
My shopping madness!! Not all pics are taken!
i cried my heart out at 9:37 PM
London Ontario..Beautiful flowers
i cried my heart out at 9:34 PM
In the Subway with Chris to Dundas for shopping!
i cried my heart out at 9:30 PM
In a "Chevrolet" on my way to London Ontario
i cried my heart out at 9:11 PM
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Gosh, i can't believe it. Its 2 degrees today..i'm gona freeze. My cousin is gona drive to London (there is actually a town called London in Toronto Ontario, called London Ontario, so don't mixed up with the country, London itself)..Yipee!
How was shopping at Queen st? Haha..haven't even reached Queen st, went to Dundas (which was next to Queen st, also a shopping paradize) and i spent CAD500 within hours. Can you imagine what is shopping like in Toronto? Its fantastic, fabulous, its crazy!!! I didn't expect the shopping to be sooooo good!!! (America is really a fashionable country) No kiddin alright! I JUS LOVE THE SHOPPING HERE. It is zillonth times better than S'pore. The clothes are beautiful, trendy, wide selection & summer wear(my fav) and they are affordable (i wouldn't use the word cheap). Gota pay 15% taxes, but in Spore only 5% GST.
I bought lotsa things with $500 CAD, $675 sing. What are the things i bgt for myself?
Aldo pink sneakers
Guess cardigan
Aldo pair of earings
Gap clutch
Gap sandals
2 pairs of beach flops
slip on heels
La senza girl boxers (X 2)
Necklace
Tee shirt
Tank top
denim skirts (X 2)
Old navy beach tote bag
undies (X 4)
Multi-stripe belt
Ripcurl beach towel
Imagine yesterday alone i bought 5 pairs of footwear for myself within hours. I was really going mad with Chris, shopping like nobody's business!!!!! 10 over big bags!!! Still craving for more shopping..not ending yet. Wanna go Levis, American eagles, Tommy hilfinger etc!!
Bren, i helped you buy Gap stuff already (don't tell ya wat it is, trust my taste alright) & also bought soveniers for you & yr bro. Dear girlies, i bought soveniers for all,its taking up quite abit of space in my luggage so if you've got things to ask me to help you buy, keep it small & light items. My sovenier list makes up to more than 30 people..so pls pity me. Ruth, i helped Thomas got a nice blue shirt, still searching for 2 more. Guys, i won't forget you, gotten something for you already. My cousin said i seemed to spend more on soveniers than myself & can u imagine buying soveniers for 30 people? It is madness alright! i needed a checklist.
Gosh, i can't believe it. Its 2 degrees today..i'm gona freeze. My cousin is gona drive to London (there is actually a town called London in Toronto Ontario, called London Ontario, so don't mixed up with the country, London itself)..Yipee!
How was shopping at Queen st? Haha..haven't even reached Queen st, went to Dundas (which was next to Queen st, also a shopping paradize) and i spent CAD500 within hours. Can you imagine what is shopping like in Toronto? Its fantastic, fabulous, its crazy!!! I didn't expect the shopping to be sooooo good!!! (America is really a fashionable country) No kiddin alright! I JUS LOVE THE SHOPPING HERE. It is zillonth times better than S'pore. The clothes are beautiful, trendy, wide selection & summer wear(my fav) and they are affordable (i wouldn't use the word cheap). Gota pay 15% taxes, but in Spore only 5% GST.
I bought lotsa things with $500 CAD, $675 sing. What are the things i bgt for myself?
Aldo pink sneakers
Guess cardigan
Aldo pair of earings
Gap clutch
Gap sandals
2 pairs of beach flops
slip on heels
La senza girl boxers (X 2)
Necklace
Tee shirt
Tank top
denim skirts (X 2)
Old navy beach tote bag
undies (X 4)
Multi-stripe belt
Ripcurl beach towel
Imagine yesterday alone i bought 5 pairs of footwear for myself within hours. I was really going mad with Chris, shopping like nobody's business!!!!! 10 over big bags!!! Still craving for more shopping..not ending yet. Wanna go Levis, American eagles, Tommy hilfinger etc!!
Bren, i helped you buy Gap stuff already (don't tell ya wat it is, trust my taste alright) & also bought soveniers for you & yr bro. Dear girlies, i bought soveniers for all,its taking up quite abit of space in my luggage so if you've got things to ask me to help you buy, keep it small & light items. My sovenier list makes up to more than 30 people..so pls pity me. Ruth, i helped Thomas got a nice blue shirt, still searching for 2 more. Guys, i won't forget you, gotten something for you already. My cousin said i seemed to spend more on soveniers than myself & can u imagine buying soveniers for 30 people? It is madness alright! i needed a checklist.
Alright Bren, since u are angry with me for what i wrote yesterday, let me say it here that i really don't mean a thing except for the fact that i wanna write down my views in my blog. I wrote that if people think is rubbish, don't digest it! I understand what u are not so happy with me about, but don't worry. i never regretted coming to Canada thou i was apprehensive initially. It has changed the way i think & feel about life. Its so beautiful here..i'm dying to have fun rather than think about unrelated stuff. I'm on the other side of the world, shouldn't think bout stuff in Spore right! My cousin knows my aim for being here. He said if i don't achieve it, he wants me to go back to S'pore. So within this 6 weeks, God, please gimme more enlightment in my life.
I travelled thousand miles to widen my horizon. And i will. Nothing else matters.
i cried my heart out at 4:44 AM
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
I slept for 12 hours. Yipee! I slept around 10pm(tues) and woke up on 10am(wed). Now its 10pm in Singapore i reckon. I love the feeling of sleeping w/o aircon & the weather here is chilly & comfortable & you'll just have to open a tiny bit of window for the cold air to pass thru. I had sucha good sleep yesterday night. It's as though i'm sleeping on fleets of clouds i swear. It reminded of the times when i was in Melbourne. It's sooo nice. Its cold now but the wind is bearable. Btw, bangwei, thanks for lending me the laptop & the ipod earphones!! I guess it does help much!
3.30pm. I laid on the couch by the window & took a book called 'Can you keep a secret?' & read. Wow. It seemed so much nicer reading a book here than in Singapore. Cos its chill yet the sun rays would just pass thru the window shining on my feet & kept me warm.Halfway thru the book,i felt a little sleepy (well cos its about 4.30am in S'pore) so i went to the bed & tucked myself under the big blanket. Brrr...cold but so comfortable. aah..Never felt so good in my life. My cousin gf- Chris is gona bring me to the nearby supermarket later. I wanna buy those microwavable popcorns back for some of you!
I still can't believe im in Canada. It's a dream i must say. Cos i've always love countries like aussie & can't wait to migrate there. Toronto is one huge city but lovely, esp the houses; neighbourhood weather & food. It just gives you a total new feeling to be here. Next week, my cousin wanna drive up to another city, Montreal (french colony), takes about 5 hrs to reach there & heard its lovely,will be passing by the Nigara Falls (Yea!!!). We are gonna travel to United states as well, a small town called Buffalo for some shopping. But that will prob be 2-3 wks later. Lazing round the house never felt so good. U just wanna sit by the window couch,watching cars passing by, leaves swaying, have a cuppa & cover yourself with a blanket, reading a story book. Amazing. This was what i plan to do before i come hee.
6.30pm Went down to Shepard street with Chris. Went shopping at 'Winners'. The things are dirt cheap. There are many brands like Tommy hilfinger, Calvin Klein & Nine west at pretty good prices. So tempted to buy. And if you dont want the items after using it for some time(just return it by showing your receipt,within a month or so) A cool rule in America huh! Spent about 2 hrs plus in 'Winners', bgt some nice stuff for you guys,can't tell ya what it is. *giggles. Bbbrrrrr..its really cold. 9 degrees & the wind is really strong my gosh.
10pm So glad im back at home. Gona have pasta & roast chicken for dinner. Mmm..yummy!
I slept for 12 hours. Yipee! I slept around 10pm(tues) and woke up on 10am(wed). Now its 10pm in Singapore i reckon. I love the feeling of sleeping w/o aircon & the weather here is chilly & comfortable & you'll just have to open a tiny bit of window for the cold air to pass thru. I had sucha good sleep yesterday night. It's as though i'm sleeping on fleets of clouds i swear. It reminded of the times when i was in Melbourne. It's sooo nice. Its cold now but the wind is bearable. Btw, bangwei, thanks for lending me the laptop & the ipod earphones!! I guess it does help much!
3.30pm. I laid on the couch by the window & took a book called 'Can you keep a secret?' & read. Wow. It seemed so much nicer reading a book here than in Singapore. Cos its chill yet the sun rays would just pass thru the window shining on my feet & kept me warm.Halfway thru the book,i felt a little sleepy (well cos its about 4.30am in S'pore) so i went to the bed & tucked myself under the big blanket. Brrr...cold but so comfortable. aah..Never felt so good in my life. My cousin gf- Chris is gona bring me to the nearby supermarket later. I wanna buy those microwavable popcorns back for some of you!
I still can't believe im in Canada. It's a dream i must say. Cos i've always love countries like aussie & can't wait to migrate there. Toronto is one huge city but lovely, esp the houses; neighbourhood weather & food. It just gives you a total new feeling to be here. Next week, my cousin wanna drive up to another city, Montreal (french colony), takes about 5 hrs to reach there & heard its lovely,will be passing by the Nigara Falls (Yea!!!). We are gonna travel to United states as well, a small town called Buffalo for some shopping. But that will prob be 2-3 wks later. Lazing round the house never felt so good. U just wanna sit by the window couch,watching cars passing by, leaves swaying, have a cuppa & cover yourself with a blanket, reading a story book. Amazing. This was what i plan to do before i come hee.
6.30pm Went down to Shepard street with Chris. Went shopping at 'Winners'. The things are dirt cheap. There are many brands like Tommy hilfinger, Calvin Klein & Nine west at pretty good prices. So tempted to buy. And if you dont want the items after using it for some time(just return it by showing your receipt,within a month or so) A cool rule in America huh! Spent about 2 hrs plus in 'Winners', bgt some nice stuff for you guys,can't tell ya what it is. *giggles. Bbbrrrrr..its really cold. 9 degrees & the wind is really strong my gosh.
10pm So glad im back at home. Gona have pasta & roast chicken for dinner. Mmm..yummy!
i cried my heart out at 12:53 PM
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Hello!!!! i finally reached Toronto at S'pore time 6am(wed) today, which is 6pm(tues) in Toronto! The weather is cold, around 10 degrees celcius. Took a cab from the airport to my cousin's house,cost about CAD 30. Expensive cos its not very far away. The house is very 'ang mohish'..there is a chimney!!! I like it,its very cosy & its just like those US houses you get to see on TV. I just had chinese dinner & im feeling giddy. Popped a panadol. Must be due to the long hours of flight. I wrote a long diary of what i did during the plane trip. Will post it up soon.
Anyway, it took me 13hours to reach London & it was still alright for me. I rushed to the toilet & washed up before i went walking around at the new Terminal 4. I tell u, London airport is huge! Really huge and they use pounds, which nearly killed me. 1 pound equals to Sing dollar $3.40. And do you know that one bottle of coke costs 1.20 pounds. I used 15mins access of internet for 1 pound & went shopping. Everything is just expensive (cut throat). It seemed really cheap when you see the price tag initially(e.g. i bought a sunglass from London & it stated 14 pounds) but i paid with canadian money,35..which equals to $48 singapore dollar. The sunglass kinda cool & its from UK. I rushed for another flight, from London to Toronto & it took about 8 hours to reach the destination. This time, the plane made me felt a little sick, cos the air-con was very cold & i couldn't sleep well. I guess this explains why i'm having a headache now.
I'm going to go walk around the neighbourhood later. Just now the taxi went pass 'Yorkdale', a huge shopping centre nearest to my cousin house..haha..I think i will make a trip down tomorrow. There are Mango, Zara, Gap and many more! Tag me on my board k. Miss ya buddies!
It's beautiful here, its cold & nice & i'm happy that i'm here. I can't wait to explore more.. Its really amazing..I don't know how to describe the environment here to you guys. It's jus like a dream!
Hello!!!! i finally reached Toronto at S'pore time 6am(wed) today, which is 6pm(tues) in Toronto! The weather is cold, around 10 degrees celcius. Took a cab from the airport to my cousin's house,cost about CAD 30. Expensive cos its not very far away. The house is very 'ang mohish'..there is a chimney!!! I like it,its very cosy & its just like those US houses you get to see on TV. I just had chinese dinner & im feeling giddy. Popped a panadol. Must be due to the long hours of flight. I wrote a long diary of what i did during the plane trip. Will post it up soon.
Anyway, it took me 13hours to reach London & it was still alright for me. I rushed to the toilet & washed up before i went walking around at the new Terminal 4. I tell u, London airport is huge! Really huge and they use pounds, which nearly killed me. 1 pound equals to Sing dollar $3.40. And do you know that one bottle of coke costs 1.20 pounds. I used 15mins access of internet for 1 pound & went shopping. Everything is just expensive (cut throat). It seemed really cheap when you see the price tag initially(e.g. i bought a sunglass from London & it stated 14 pounds) but i paid with canadian money,35..which equals to $48 singapore dollar. The sunglass kinda cool & its from UK. I rushed for another flight, from London to Toronto & it took about 8 hours to reach the destination. This time, the plane made me felt a little sick, cos the air-con was very cold & i couldn't sleep well. I guess this explains why i'm having a headache now.
I'm going to go walk around the neighbourhood later. Just now the taxi went pass 'Yorkdale', a huge shopping centre nearest to my cousin house..haha..I think i will make a trip down tomorrow. There are Mango, Zara, Gap and many more! Tag me on my board k. Miss ya buddies!
It's beautiful here, its cold & nice & i'm happy that i'm here. I can't wait to explore more.. Its really amazing..I don't know how to describe the environment here to you guys. It's jus like a dream!
i cried my heart out at 9:09 PM
Monday, April 25, 2005
I made a biggest blunder!!!! I'm actually flying tonight!!!! I kept thinking its tomorrow midnite til my parents came back from work & was in a rush. Then i asked them whats the rush for?? And they told me that my flight is tonight at 3.40am. Omigod. Ain't i blur???????So blur. So i have to say goodbye to all of you today. I'm gona miss you people. Kiss, hugs! Im in a rush! Yes yes dont laugh at me. I'm dumb.
You guys can sms me ya. I'm bringing my phone along! Huggies...Sob...tata..
I made a biggest blunder!!!! I'm actually flying tonight!!!! I kept thinking its tomorrow midnite til my parents came back from work & was in a rush. Then i asked them whats the rush for?? And they told me that my flight is tonight at 3.40am. Omigod. Ain't i blur???????So blur. So i have to say goodbye to all of you today. I'm gona miss you people. Kiss, hugs! Im in a rush! Yes yes dont laugh at me. I'm dumb.
You guys can sms me ya. I'm bringing my phone along! Huggies...Sob...tata..
i cried my heart out at 7:42 PM
Im in a foul mood now. don't mess with me. I've got so many things to do! And i still got people to catch up with today & tomorrow before i leave.
There are people whom can't wait for me to leave. They must be thinking, 'oh stella please leave faster, once you are gone, i will be happier & my days will be better!' Whatever ya. I'm not well liked by the whole world of course. Don't mess with me. i dislike people messing with me! A nice person also has their limits. One of the few could be my parents also, haha, then they wouldn't have to take care of me. just kiddin.My mum beta not cry tommorrow,its just for hols my dear mummy.
i'm going crazy.Even ruth says i seem to be quite distracted today. I don't know why.Grrr..harold,i'm gona jump on u like a cat later again. Nah,just kidding. I won't, i'll jus be laughin.
i cried my heart out at 5:37 PM
My heart goes pom pom pom...I'm flying away tomorrow night. should i be happy or should i be sad? Well, i guess i'll miss all the fun times i have with all my dear buddies here & the thoughts of not being able to hang out & have fun is quite saddening. dont forget me k..
I will try to keep in touch with you guys alright, through my blog, msn or email. Just remember the time difference, when it is 10am in S'pore, it is 10pm in Toronto. Well i will keep you guys updated in my blog & see what would be the best time i could be online most of the times ya. The only thing i'm worried bout is the flight tomorrow. I really dislike taking planes..I'm gona bring her world, female, self-help books & my bible to keep me company. Booohooo....anyone is willing to travel with me? My stupid bear, doesn't want to follow me to Canada. (that's what my sis said cos she said my bear wants to keep her company) Grrr..I bring her everywhere i go when i travel. It will be missin out Canada now. shame on my bear! humph!
oh boy, i asked a good friend of mine, so do you think your gf is pretty? Then he gave sorta disgusted look & said 'not really,don't think she is pretty now.' So tell me the reasons why you are with her. 'Well she is very nice to me.' I see i see. But then in front of his gf, he told his gf that she is pretty. The gf loves him alot. (if you think its you im saying, its not you)Hmm girls, how would we feel if we know our bf said such things bout us to other people? Can't imagine right..what would you do if you are the gf & u got to know bout this? tag my board.
i cried my heart out at 11:59 AM
im a big big pig,in a big big world,its not a big big thing if u leave me..sigh..my hair is so short.
i cried my heart out at 2:17 AM
oh god..i miss my hair..Sharks..i really changed a hairstyle & this time is kinda short. Hope it will get better in Canada..pls pls pls i dont want bad hair days...i look like a little girl now..& my sis said i look like a japanese doll...AAaaahhhh.
Yipee, harold got back safe from his diving trip! Cya tomorrow boy & let's chill. Don't laugh at my hair i warn you first. If not..u gonna get it from me! *giggles..its a life threat.
i cried my heart out at 12:54 AM
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Am i a kuku with so short hair? Yes i am!!! Make it grow!!!
Am i a kuku with so short hair? Yes i am!!! Make it grow!!!
i cried my heart out at 10:48 PM
i miss my old hair!!!! Im a baby pig..*chuckles loudly
i cried my heart out at 10:41 PM
sob...my kuku hairstyle..short..
i cried my heart out at 10:05 PM
I dislike people who:
thinks highly of themselves
doesn't know what love is (pls read bible corinthians chap 13)
thinks that others is a fool
loves to lie
always think other people are wrong
gang up with others to lie
doesn't appreciate people
never gets contented with what they have
thinks people are stupid or crazy
thinks they are intelligent
are crafty & witty
try too hard to be nice
toys with peoples' feelings then think other is crazy
never practice what they preach
say for the sake of saying
doesn't know what he/she wants;not a baby anymore
go back on their words
..fcuker.. Yea baby, remember what we said during dinner yesterday night? Had a good laugh over it yea.. we can use just a word to describe everything. oh yeah..we jus wanna sing 'fcuker fcuker fcuker, why don't you just look at yourself in the mirror & see if you are sucha fcuker'
i cried my heart out at 5:11 PM
My garden went through renovation! So cosy! Look at my bears, they are so happy!
i cried my heart out at 4:20 AM
U want me? Take me! Laughs
i cried my heart out at 3:56 AM
not so geeky..haha
i cried my heart out at 3:39 AM
my babelicious buddie & a geekie me
i cried my heart out at 3:29 AM
TCC! Babe, Dude & a Pig!
i cried my heart out at 3:24 AM
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Take a deep breath..3 days left! To my dear cousin, please remember to pick me up at the airport!!! Geez..
Thoughts of the day: never take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love.
Take a deep breath..3 days left! To my dear cousin, please remember to pick me up at the airport!!! Geez..
Thoughts of the day: never take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love.
i cried my heart out at 12:18 PM
To love & spend more time with my family & great buddies
To dedicate myself to God (esp cell grp & service)
To make sacrifices;making sure that i do it with a happy heart
To learn hip-hop dancing; yes i'm gonna make it happen
To read more books & the bible
To travel & roam the world
To meet someone who is true & be my soulmate
To love more; hate less
To improve myself (be it brains, looks etc)
To be a confident lady; a confident woman is alluring
To be true to myself & people around me
To be decisive. Yes means yes, no means no.
To learn more yet remain simple
To have fun & be happy
To care for people & not be self-centred
To acquire drivng license by this year
i cried my heart out at 12:36 AM
I had sooooo much fun today! Hugs Bren & Ceres! Thank u so much!
My afternoon started off with Bren at Raffles city shopping centre cafe cartel for lunch.Had a sumptious lunch & talking full of nonsense. Thereafter,we went shopping & walked to City Link to find my sunglasses. Didn't seem to see any that i liked and we popped by 7-eleven to get some snacks! Saw my fav fruit-longan & bren decided to buy it for me! Thank you bro,sooo nice! I suggested we walk down to Marina promenade & sit down so that i can munch on my fruits. Haha..along the way..alot of funny ideas about what we can do with the longans. *i really laughed til i had stiches in my stomach. Imagine.
Was idling around at Esplanade til evening until we called Ceres & went down to Takashimaya to meet her. She was planning to watch movie at Cine, me & her wanted to watch the 'All about love' by Aston kutcher, but it wasn't out yet so we opted for the korean movie 'S Diary' (seemed like a pretty funny show & three of us are so keen on it) but too bad, only front row seats were avail. Well, so at last we chose 'Guess who' also by Aston Kutcher. Before our late night movie started,we went for Pasta mania & also had a good laugh over dinner. Sigh..Really enjoy simple times like that..chit chatting & having enjoyable conversations. Gona miss you guys. I ate plenty of food today(becos i'm so happy today i don't know why! I guess i had so much fun)
The show was good. Somewhat like 'Meet the parents' kind of show & was hilarious. Three of us enjoyed it, it was entertaining. There was this part that i remembered clearly about what Kutcher said: 'But what about my dignity?' (when he quarrelled with his fiancee). Then the dad of the fiancee replied: 'If you love her, if you want her then she is always right (whether or not you are right or wrong)' I think it's quite meaningful. Who cares about pride when you really love a person, be it guys or girls, be it i'm sorry or please forgive me. If a person treasures so much about pride,then he/her might not love the party that much.
if both of u are together again,dont have to hide it cos i do not like people keeping things from me. i have already given my wishes to both parties.
I get fatigue so easily nowadays..and i am always feeling so hot within my body. I wonder if its some of the symptoms..sorry bren, gota call of the night without supper. So sad i'm gona leave on tues..C ya before i leave!
i cried my heart out at 12:30 AM
Friday, April 22, 2005
My step-dad tried to shove $ to me again.I rejected it. This is the 4th time he has been doing for the past few weeks.
Because of me, they didn't even think for a second & forked out $2000 for my air-fare. Next, they kept asking me if i've got money & wanted to give me cash for spending. I wanted to fly back early & had to pay $100 bucks for amendments of date, they paid. Then came my medical bills & they have to fork out $400 for my blood tests & medication.
And also because of my illness now, they went to buy travel insurance for me today & paid few hundred bucks for it. So today, when my dad wanted to shove money to me again, i said 'Stop giving me money!!!' Even no matter how tight i am, it's not nice. I felt really bad. I felt its their hard earned money. I don't wish to take it especially when they had gone over the expense for me already. Sometimes i feel that i haven't grow up. I need to grow up & stop being a burden to them. They are really nice to me..& it's not as if im the only daughter in the family.
Cell group tonight was wonderful. I thanked all of them for being so concern about my illness & keep me in their prayers. They are people whom i know recently only but showered unconditional care for me. Someone whom i was close to for a year & someone whom i thought loves me & cared for me turned out to be someone whom seem indifferent about my situation. Life is just ironic.
Well,im waiting for tomorrow. Chit-chat,window shop, munch on good food,laugh & do anything that make us happy. This illness made me see things in different perspective. I see it as an open door that triggers me to do things that i never dream of doing or have been too lazy getting up on my feet & start it going. if only it really becomes a starting point of my life.
My step-dad tried to shove $ to me again.I rejected it. This is the 4th time he has been doing for the past few weeks.
Because of me, they didn't even think for a second & forked out $2000 for my air-fare. Next, they kept asking me if i've got money & wanted to give me cash for spending. I wanted to fly back early & had to pay $100 bucks for amendments of date, they paid. Then came my medical bills & they have to fork out $400 for my blood tests & medication.
And also because of my illness now, they went to buy travel insurance for me today & paid few hundred bucks for it. So today, when my dad wanted to shove money to me again, i said 'Stop giving me money!!!' Even no matter how tight i am, it's not nice. I felt really bad. I felt its their hard earned money. I don't wish to take it especially when they had gone over the expense for me already. Sometimes i feel that i haven't grow up. I need to grow up & stop being a burden to them. They are really nice to me..& it's not as if im the only daughter in the family.
Cell group tonight was wonderful. I thanked all of them for being so concern about my illness & keep me in their prayers. They are people whom i know recently only but showered unconditional care for me. Someone whom i was close to for a year & someone whom i thought loves me & cared for me turned out to be someone whom seem indifferent about my situation. Life is just ironic.
Well,im waiting for tomorrow. Chit-chat,window shop, munch on good food,laugh & do anything that make us happy. This illness made me see things in different perspective. I see it as an open door that triggers me to do things that i never dream of doing or have been too lazy getting up on my feet & start it going. if only it really becomes a starting point of my life.
i cried my heart out at 11:55 PM
I loathe liars & accomplices. So steer clear or jus don't try lying to me. Somehow or rather, the truth is out there for people to pick it up. Smiles.. Sunshine over the rain!
I'm in a happy mood today. Isn't that great? I wanna go down to Fancl & get my skincare products to last me for a month plus in Toronto! So happy..i jus love their stuff. I can't wait to shop at Abercrombie & Fitch, Victoria Secrets and GAP in Canada, moreover its the summer season now! They have fantastic beach wear!
Yippeee..i wanna grab flip flops, bikinis, beach bags, frock skirts, sunglasses, abercrombie jackets..Ooohh...its time to revamp my warddrobe again! time to change my dressin style also!
4 DAYS LEFT!!
i cried my heart out at 4:15 PM
Thursday, April 21, 2005
What a day spent at the hospital today,i'm exhausted.Luckily Harold was there to accompany me throughout the whole consultation at SGH. Thank u! The specialist said that im a 'chronic hepatitis' What does chronic means? It means serious, permanent condition with no cure. I am allowed to travel but i have to do lotsa follow up with the hospital. Charges for all the medical fees today? 400bucks! I'm sucha burden to my parents. Okay a horrifying scene that i described to my friends in the afternoon today. The specialist told me that i've got to take blood test. Again? Yes again..
I reluctantly waited for my queue no. & i got astounded when the nurse called out my name. I followed her into the room, my eyes opened bigger when i saw this cute-looking guy standing there(around my age) with gloves on his hands waiting for me. Alright, its not because he was good-looking that's why i am shocked! Its because i could sense that he was on attachment!! So which means that he is an amatuer in taking blood & im his guinea pig??? I kept staring at him, looking at every moves he made. He was finding for my veins & when he said 'Okay,i will inject this hand.', I looked at him skeptically & said 'Are you sure is this hand?'. He just smiled. Before he poked the needle in, I admitted loudly 'I am very scared.' The professional nurse heard what i said, smiled,came over & aided him.
Owells, this wasn't the best part. Yea so the needle went in..& i saw blood oozing out into a tube. I was relieved cos i thought it was over, but he plucked out the tube(filled with blood) & inserted another empty tube & i saw my blood filling up another tube again. 'Huh, why do you take 2 tubes of blood?' I asked helplessly. He answered 'Not only 2, i gota take 4 tubes of it.' I gave a pathetic laugh. Omigod..are you joking with me? But what can i do..I just sit there helplessly waiting for the 4 tubes of blood to be filled & wonder if i've got so much blood to waste. Harold kept peeping at me, laughing sheepishly. Humph! Haha. It will be your turn sometime!
5 hours spent in SGH. Harold rode me to Bugis, where i met my dear friends. Had MOS burger & some catching up before i leave S'pore. Thank you all of u for being so concern, hugs! Gota rush home because i gota visit my GP in the evening. GP saw my report & said that my values are very high & this value is actually a marker for cancer so which means that im at high risk of cancer. Hmm..okay.. 2 yrs ago,my cancer marker was 4.1 (which was considered high risk). Now its 27.4!!!!!! Imagine how much it has gone up to now..I'm already thinking positively & being happy ya.
Anyway, now the situation is just to wait & see if the antibodies in my body are able to fight with the Hep b viruses that are actively trying to kill my good cells. (report out next week) If not, i will be on long term medication & will have side effects.
*I can't wait til Saturday to meet up with Bren & Ceres. Bren suggested Cafe cartel! Yeah!! I can get to eat the bread once again. chuckles
*Harold, have a safe trip in Tioman & have fun diving. Hope u'll have some adventures with baby sharks & tell me all about it on Monday ya! Thx so much for today. W/o you, i'm a lost baby! giggles
*Zane, i hope you have recovered from your illness. Take care of yourself & god bless. Smiles!
What a day spent at the hospital today,i'm exhausted.Luckily Harold was there to accompany me throughout the whole consultation at SGH. Thank u! The specialist said that im a 'chronic hepatitis' What does chronic means? It means serious, permanent condition with no cure. I am allowed to travel but i have to do lotsa follow up with the hospital. Charges for all the medical fees today? 400bucks! I'm sucha burden to my parents. Okay a horrifying scene that i described to my friends in the afternoon today. The specialist told me that i've got to take blood test. Again? Yes again..
I reluctantly waited for my queue no. & i got astounded when the nurse called out my name. I followed her into the room, my eyes opened bigger when i saw this cute-looking guy standing there(around my age) with gloves on his hands waiting for me. Alright, its not because he was good-looking that's why i am shocked! Its because i could sense that he was on attachment!! So which means that he is an amatuer in taking blood & im his guinea pig??? I kept staring at him, looking at every moves he made. He was finding for my veins & when he said 'Okay,i will inject this hand.', I looked at him skeptically & said 'Are you sure is this hand?'. He just smiled. Before he poked the needle in, I admitted loudly 'I am very scared.' The professional nurse heard what i said, smiled,came over & aided him.
Owells, this wasn't the best part. Yea so the needle went in..& i saw blood oozing out into a tube. I was relieved cos i thought it was over, but he plucked out the tube(filled with blood) & inserted another empty tube & i saw my blood filling up another tube again. 'Huh, why do you take 2 tubes of blood?' I asked helplessly. He answered 'Not only 2, i gota take 4 tubes of it.' I gave a pathetic laugh. Omigod..are you joking with me? But what can i do..I just sit there helplessly waiting for the 4 tubes of blood to be filled & wonder if i've got so much blood to waste. Harold kept peeping at me, laughing sheepishly. Humph! Haha. It will be your turn sometime!
5 hours spent in SGH. Harold rode me to Bugis, where i met my dear friends. Had MOS burger & some catching up before i leave S'pore. Thank you all of u for being so concern, hugs! Gota rush home because i gota visit my GP in the evening. GP saw my report & said that my values are very high & this value is actually a marker for cancer so which means that im at high risk of cancer. Hmm..okay.. 2 yrs ago,my cancer marker was 4.1 (which was considered high risk). Now its 27.4!!!!!! Imagine how much it has gone up to now..I'm already thinking positively & being happy ya.
Anyway, now the situation is just to wait & see if the antibodies in my body are able to fight with the Hep b viruses that are actively trying to kill my good cells. (report out next week) If not, i will be on long term medication & will have side effects.
*I can't wait til Saturday to meet up with Bren & Ceres. Bren suggested Cafe cartel! Yeah!! I can get to eat the bread once again. chuckles
*Harold, have a safe trip in Tioman & have fun diving. Hope u'll have some adventures with baby sharks & tell me all about it on Monday ya! Thx so much for today. W/o you, i'm a lost baby! giggles
*Zane, i hope you have recovered from your illness. Take care of yourself & god bless. Smiles!
i cried my heart out at 9:37 PM
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Yea baby, Denise keller said: 'I wanna get dirty!!!' ..That hits the nail in my mind right away! What have i been doing to my life boy?I questioned myself. I need a LIFE!
I wanna get that boost of energy again. I wanna get playful all over again. I want to be the girl who used to have positive vibes that no other guys can trample over me. I wanna be crazy, fun-loving, chirpy, sweet, babyish & most impt PLAYFUL!!
People who know me really well, know that i have a playful side of me. It has jus been hidden..hiding somewhere..getting somewhat unnoticed or rusty. I wanna get my playful side OUT. Have been rather a decent & good girl for too long!!! Too bad that crazy gal rac, is not here to trigger it. But nvm, Ceres, we can be the playful girls yea?
I can't wait to do silly stuff, fun stuff, crazy stuff all over again! And we can flirt, yes flirt! Ceres & i can flirt all we want ya! laughs..Y waste our youth. Enjoy the primetime of our lives!
Yea baby, Denise keller said: 'I wanna get dirty!!!' ..That hits the nail in my mind right away! What have i been doing to my life boy?I questioned myself. I need a LIFE!
I wanna get that boost of energy again. I wanna get playful all over again. I want to be the girl who used to have positive vibes that no other guys can trample over me. I wanna be crazy, fun-loving, chirpy, sweet, babyish & most impt PLAYFUL!!
People who know me really well, know that i have a playful side of me. It has jus been hidden..hiding somewhere..getting somewhat unnoticed or rusty. I wanna get my playful side OUT. Have been rather a decent & good girl for too long!!! Too bad that crazy gal rac, is not here to trigger it. But nvm, Ceres, we can be the playful girls yea?
I can't wait to do silly stuff, fun stuff, crazy stuff all over again! And we can flirt, yes flirt! Ceres & i can flirt all we want ya! laughs..Y waste our youth. Enjoy the primetime of our lives!
i cried my heart out at 11:30 PM
I feel like screaming my lungs out!!!! Im furious!!!How can i ever forget even if i ever forgive.
But i wanna forget. Cos that's the best solution.
I wish to have the feeling of being in love again. I really do. With someone whom really loves me & treat me right. (i have to love him too of course) I don't believe in everlasting love. I'm certain it doesn't exist. Except God's love for us. But that doesn't mean i won't love again. And i won't be a fool again. Will my prince appear soon? im even more certain of what i want in a guy now. i don't crave for a relationship. But i wish for a soulmate. a company. a friend.
I'm sooo dying to watch Denise Keller 'Eye for a guy' today!! She is sucha alluring babe!!! I love Shan Wee!!! He is so awesome!!! He is gorgeous & captivating!!! *my heart just melts..Well to me, the next best choice is Aaron but but but..SHAN is still the ultimate one..*my heart races again..omigod but he is a giant.
i cried my heart out at 7:49 PM
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Thank you for that little post for me. I am touched by what you've said & i always feel that i'm a little lost girl that needs you to help me point out directions for me to walk. Its extremely irritating i know,esp when you advise me ample times & yet I refuse to heed them. You are right,i need to fall down alot of times til i'm numb to it that's when i start to learn.
I'm someone who is a coward. Who doesn't dare to move out of my comfort zone & remain there even when i foresee danger. Maybe its a 'come what may' attitude. I'm trapped & im tired as well. I wanna walk out of it, but i guess im so fragile. Nevertheless, one day, i know i can make it right? Just as long as i wanna build happiness for my future..i will walk out of it.
I calmed myself,its not the end of the world. Yea, i know that my condition isn't fantastic few years back but i didn't expect it to deterioate within 2 years. I'm young & i have not enjoyed & done the things that i desire to. I don't wish to leave like that. I feel that my condition is not going to be an immediate impact, i can still live for maybe many years but i'm just prepared that it's not gonna be a smooth journey for me. My viruses are active in my body, i'm convinced it will multiply & they wouldn't get any better. (its just like AIDS) I also know diagnosed with cancer is no joke becos it requires money & treatments & i'm someone who has phobia of surgery & injections etc. Its a high possibilty of me having cancer, maybe not now but few years later when the viruses spread everywhere. I have to be mentally prepared for the worst then i can take it better.
I really just wish that i'm happy. People ard me don't upset me. And i lead a meaningful life. That's all i wish for..it sounds simple but its actually so difficult to attain it.
Thank you for that little post for me. I am touched by what you've said & i always feel that i'm a little lost girl that needs you to help me point out directions for me to walk. Its extremely irritating i know,esp when you advise me ample times & yet I refuse to heed them. You are right,i need to fall down alot of times til i'm numb to it that's when i start to learn.
I'm someone who is a coward. Who doesn't dare to move out of my comfort zone & remain there even when i foresee danger. Maybe its a 'come what may' attitude. I'm trapped & im tired as well. I wanna walk out of it, but i guess im so fragile. Nevertheless, one day, i know i can make it right? Just as long as i wanna build happiness for my future..i will walk out of it.
I calmed myself,its not the end of the world. Yea, i know that my condition isn't fantastic few years back but i didn't expect it to deterioate within 2 years. I'm young & i have not enjoyed & done the things that i desire to. I don't wish to leave like that. I feel that my condition is not going to be an immediate impact, i can still live for maybe many years but i'm just prepared that it's not gonna be a smooth journey for me. My viruses are active in my body, i'm convinced it will multiply & they wouldn't get any better. (its just like AIDS) I also know diagnosed with cancer is no joke becos it requires money & treatments & i'm someone who has phobia of surgery & injections etc. Its a high possibilty of me having cancer, maybe not now but few years later when the viruses spread everywhere. I have to be mentally prepared for the worst then i can take it better.
I really just wish that i'm happy. People ard me don't upset me. And i lead a meaningful life. That's all i wish for..it sounds simple but its actually so difficult to attain it.
i cried my heart out at 10:59 PM
I know my weak personal traits.
Soft-hearted, forgiving & timid like a mouse,always afraid to lose smthing.
But i lost so many things in life, somewhat a loser. But then,what's the point of retrieving back those things..knowning that those things have hurt me to the certain extent that is unexplainable.
These weak traits brought me ample trouble. Should i still remain as the vulnerable stella i used to be?why does lovin a person & making a person love you whole-heartedly seems the most impossible mission in this world nowadays. Should i not believe in 'love' anymore?
In an exact time frame of 7 days..My flight would be taking off..Would i be able to make it?
i cried my heart out at 4:30 PM
This is what i call..Innocent Love. It no longer exist in this superficial world.
i cried my heart out at 6:07 AM
doesnt look like me i feel..
i cried my heart out at 1:05 AM
Monday, April 18, 2005
im feeling so stressed!!!Stressed up by my parents!!! Stressed up by my doctor!!!
I was keeping cool actually. I told myself i'm okay. I can accept the bad news. But they are making me feel that its the end of the world.
I went raffles hospital today. Once i walked into the room, the doc looked at me with a serious look. 'Do you know your blood test is very bad.' I looked at her, trying to keep calm and said 'yea, i predicted it.'
She showed me my blood test results & said that my results are way over the normal range of a healthy person. 'Your liver is inflammed.' she said and added that 'MOE can't confirm you now until you go and look for a specialist.' I told her 'I'm leaving for canada next week.' She said..'Maybe you have to cancel your trip..' HUH..is it that serious..She advised me to go for scanning tomorrow again at Raffles Hospital & i have to see a specialist at SGH on thurs. I asked bluntly..'does that mean i have liver cancer...?' She said 'i am unsure, maybe..thats why you must go for a checkup soon.' She warned me that my hep B is very active in my body. The worst results should be around 14 and my results actually showed 28. Its like doubled..
I called my parents & they were so worried. Called up my family doc & called the travel agency. Wanted to cancel my trip as the doc say i should not travel. 'What the....why everything seems so last minute?' I came home & they were blah...ing...& my calm mood became agitated. I said 'Don't make me feel so stress. Don't stress up yourself. Then you will make me more stress.' They kept asking me to think about cancelling my trip to Canada. I know they are stress..but i told them the person who should be more worried & stress is me. Don't add stress to me.
I am not surprised by what the doc says today.I went there prepared when they called me two days ago to come down for review. 2 years back,my GP told me that im 212 times higher chances of getting liver cancer than normal people. Since now my liver is inflammed & its irreversible, what can i say. Now i might have to cancel my air tix & might not have refunds. I don't mind going still...since i told them 'im sick..so why dont just let me go enjoy myself.' Then my parents said they don't want my condition to aggrevate. Well, i guess im taking it lightly am i? I just wanna enjoy every bit of my time. I don't know how long i still have to live. Cos my dear friends..we study about cirrhosis..& we know its no way out & no cure. I wanna stay happy. Can you people make me happier..u guys already did..thank you so much..
im feeling so stressed!!!Stressed up by my parents!!! Stressed up by my doctor!!!
I was keeping cool actually. I told myself i'm okay. I can accept the bad news. But they are making me feel that its the end of the world.
I went raffles hospital today. Once i walked into the room, the doc looked at me with a serious look. 'Do you know your blood test is very bad.' I looked at her, trying to keep calm and said 'yea, i predicted it.'
She showed me my blood test results & said that my results are way over the normal range of a healthy person. 'Your liver is inflammed.' she said and added that 'MOE can't confirm you now until you go and look for a specialist.' I told her 'I'm leaving for canada next week.' She said..'Maybe you have to cancel your trip..' HUH..is it that serious..She advised me to go for scanning tomorrow again at Raffles Hospital & i have to see a specialist at SGH on thurs. I asked bluntly..'does that mean i have liver cancer...?' She said 'i am unsure, maybe..thats why you must go for a checkup soon.' She warned me that my hep B is very active in my body. The worst results should be around 14 and my results actually showed 28. Its like doubled..
I called my parents & they were so worried. Called up my family doc & called the travel agency. Wanted to cancel my trip as the doc say i should not travel. 'What the....why everything seems so last minute?' I came home & they were blah...ing...& my calm mood became agitated. I said 'Don't make me feel so stress. Don't stress up yourself. Then you will make me more stress.' They kept asking me to think about cancelling my trip to Canada. I know they are stress..but i told them the person who should be more worried & stress is me. Don't add stress to me.
I am not surprised by what the doc says today.I went there prepared when they called me two days ago to come down for review. 2 years back,my GP told me that im 212 times higher chances of getting liver cancer than normal people. Since now my liver is inflammed & its irreversible, what can i say. Now i might have to cancel my air tix & might not have refunds. I don't mind going still...since i told them 'im sick..so why dont just let me go enjoy myself.' Then my parents said they don't want my condition to aggrevate. Well, i guess im taking it lightly am i? I just wanna enjoy every bit of my time. I don't know how long i still have to live. Cos my dear friends..we study about cirrhosis..& we know its no way out & no cure. I wanna stay happy. Can you people make me happier..u guys already did..thank you so much..
i cried my heart out at 8:17 PM
Well, Bangwei was off today. So he called me & wanted to meet me up. i said 'Okay, im going down to hospital, you wanna meet me there?' He agreed.
So after knowing all the medical results & stuff..Went for a destresser...we went walking around at Bugis & took a bus down to Suntec. I walked into Mango & saw this bag that i have been eyeing for so long..seen people carrying it, lurve it but didnt know was from Mango..was desiring to have it and i tot i could find it in Canada..Yikes and i saw it at Mango!!
He took it & said 'I will buy it for you,i wanted to buy a prezie for you before you leave.' I was like...huh..No don't! I am not leaving for a long time. It's just 6 weeks. Then he said 'Let me just buy it for you..' So i asked 'Well, you know i'm dying right..so you just wanna make me happy..my last wishes right..' I can't believe i'm still joking bout it. But well, i did make a joke out of my illness. Cos after that he suddenly asked if i wanna eat Yami yoghurt..and i looked at him..Shocked..Cos i was actually craving for it. And i joked again 'Today seems like i can have things that i desire..all my last wishes came true.' Laughs..
I have to fast..cos i gota go for ultrasound tomorrow. I am so hungry. I only ate 1 sushi around 5pm & after 6pm today til tomorrow noon, i can't have food. Well, i gota keep myself happy..i cannot stress..cos the doc says it will aggrevate my condition. Can i be happy everyday? That's my wish.
i cried my heart out at 7:39 PM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
9 more days left.
to every man,
you should treat a lady right
if you love her
hold her body tight
if you miss her
& never let her go..
9 more days left.
to every man,
you should treat a lady right
if you love her
hold her body tight
if you miss her
& never let her go..
i cried my heart out at 2:20 PM
I just cant understand the hearts of men
They tell you they want you and then they leave you
This is the first time, you`re special
I believed those words and I was so happy
You should have told me you didn`t like me any more
But I couldn`t see that and you just rushed me
Although I will curse you I`ll still miss you
Since I am a girl, to whom love is everything
I heard that if you give up things too easily
To a man, he will get bored with you
I don`t think this is wrong
A girl says that she will never be fooled again
But she will fall in love again
You should have told me you didn`t like me any more
But I couldn`t see that and you just rushed me
Although I will curse you I`ll still miss you
Since I am a girl, to whom love is everything
Hey babe The pain
It`s not enough to describe how i feel
We were so happy together
But I know nowI`ve been blind
You told me that you`d never let me down
Whenever I needed you you`d always be here
I can forgive but I cant forget
Even though you hurt me I still love you I still love you
Don`t take advantage of a girl`s willingness to do anything for love
And her caring instinct
I didn`t know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard
Although i will curse you i`ll still miss you
Since i am a girl, to whom love is everything
Although i will curse you i`ll still miss you
Since i am a girl, to whom love is everything
i cried my heart out at 9:09 AM
Saturday, April 16, 2005
i received a phone call from Raffles hospital. The nurse was asking me to make a trip down on monday becos the doctor wanted to review my blood test for hep B with me..what happened? I guess my liver must have gone worst. i have to be prepared.
Made a trip down to Orchard today at 6pm. Met Ceres & she was craving for sushi. So we decided to walk down to Wheellock place Sakae sushi. The queue was terrifying. But we were lucky to have gotten the seats within 5-10 minutes as we've only got 2 persons. As we were footing the bill, so coicidentally we saw Bangwei queuing up for sushi as well. Haha. What a small world..
It was nice chit-chatting & watching her window shop. Rachel is missing..sigh.I was craving for desserts. So i asked 'Are u hungry?', then Ceres asked 'why?'. Then i said 'i feel like eating ice-cream'. Then she said 'Me too!!'. Laughs..So i suggested that we go for my favourite mudpie at coffee club express. She suddenly said 'I'm Clarence.' So i said 'I'm Jason'. Both started to laugh out loud..Haha..so we were the couple today huh. Everywhere we went, be it Topshop, FCUK, coffee club..she would say, it is reminding u of him right. So damn right. She was envious of my tan, but i told her that i'm burnt & aint tanned. A great day eating sumptous food wasn't it?
I really hope that she can join me in Canada as well. pls..god make it happen..she needs a break as well after that that has happened yea. hugs..Buddies in the same boat.
i received a phone call from Raffles hospital. The nurse was asking me to make a trip down on monday becos the doctor wanted to review my blood test for hep B with me..what happened? I guess my liver must have gone worst. i have to be prepared.
Made a trip down to Orchard today at 6pm. Met Ceres & she was craving for sushi. So we decided to walk down to Wheellock place Sakae sushi. The queue was terrifying. But we were lucky to have gotten the seats within 5-10 minutes as we've only got 2 persons. As we were footing the bill, so coicidentally we saw Bangwei queuing up for sushi as well. Haha. What a small world..
It was nice chit-chatting & watching her window shop. Rachel is missing..sigh.I was craving for desserts. So i asked 'Are u hungry?', then Ceres asked 'why?'. Then i said 'i feel like eating ice-cream'. Then she said 'Me too!!'. Laughs..So i suggested that we go for my favourite mudpie at coffee club express. She suddenly said 'I'm Clarence.' So i said 'I'm Jason'. Both started to laugh out loud..Haha..so we were the couple today huh. Everywhere we went, be it Topshop, FCUK, coffee club..she would say, it is reminding u of him right. So damn right. She was envious of my tan, but i told her that i'm burnt & aint tanned. A great day eating sumptous food wasn't it?
I really hope that she can join me in Canada as well. pls..god make it happen..she needs a break as well after that that has happened yea. hugs..Buddies in the same boat.
i cried my heart out at 11:34 PM
Our D&D is finally over. Hopefully most of you have enjoyed yourself. And yes i have made myself a mockery by doing that silly forfeit. Thank you guys..haha.. What an embarrassment. It isn't a cha-cha dance huh. Its a silly dance moves by Stella. So many people from our click were the unfortunate ones getting the forfeit, didn't u guys realized???
Boring saturday.. Ugh..find entertainment shall i? chill out or..sigh..Town again?..Uninteresting. i'm kinda sleepy..yawnz..
I had a nice filling lunch & a soothing ice cream to make me happy. Happy..smilez...giggles..chuckles..yea im a silly baby
am i easily contented? its not that. i've got no choice. I wanna be happy. I really want to be happy. I seriously crave for happiness. Father, show me the directions & path to happiness. Pls, pls pls guide me the way to happiness. Let me have a relaxed & safe trip over at Toronto. thank u father.Amen.
i cried my heart out at 3:00 PM
Friday, April 15, 2005
Superwoman - Karyn white
(parts of lyrics of how i feel)
i'm not your superwomam
i'm not the kind of girl you can let down
& think is everything is okay
Boy i am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me
Ooh baby, look into your corners of your mind
i'll always be there for you
Thru good times & bad times
But i can't be the superwoman that you want me to be
i'll give my love,oh lasting love
if you'll return love to me
Going Crazy - Natalie (This song feels damn right for me)
Sooooo in luuurrrve with this song...
Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold
My life just hasn't been the same ohh baby, nooo
When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you goI just broke down
Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again
I would sacrifice cuz the feeling that I feel within
No other man would ever make me feel so right
Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night
But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me
I miss the way you hold me tight
I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything
Thats right baby,I'm going crazy
I need to be your lady,I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby
Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel
From the moment that I met you its been so damn real
My heart seems to skip another beat
Every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak
Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me and you love me
I'm your lady I'll be around waiting for you
I'll put it down be the woman for you
I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you
I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do?
It's true, no fronting
Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you
I'll just break down (down)
Superwoman - Karyn white
(parts of lyrics of how i feel)
i'm not your superwomam
i'm not the kind of girl you can let down
& think is everything is okay
Boy i am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me
Ooh baby, look into your corners of your mind
i'll always be there for you
Thru good times & bad times
But i can't be the superwoman that you want me to be
i'll give my love,oh lasting love
if you'll return love to me
Going Crazy - Natalie (This song feels damn right for me)
Sooooo in luuurrrve with this song...
Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold
My life just hasn't been the same ohh baby, nooo
When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you goI just broke down
Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again
I would sacrifice cuz the feeling that I feel within
No other man would ever make me feel so right
Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night
But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me
I miss the way you hold me tight
I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything
Thats right baby,I'm going crazy
I need to be your lady,I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby
Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel
From the moment that I met you its been so damn real
My heart seems to skip another beat
Every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak
Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me and you love me
I'm your lady I'll be around waiting for you
I'll put it down be the woman for you
I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you
I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do?
It's true, no fronting
Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you
I'll just break down (down)
i cried my heart out at 2:14 PM
To all: I duno y i have this morbid tots in my mind. But i guess if i don't come back in one piece, just wanna let you guys know that u've been great, u've impacted my life.
yes..yes..for the past weeks my entries have been really pessimistic. well if you can't stand it,don't read it ya. That's jus how i've been feeling. I need to express them.
Thoughts of the day by Silly Stella:
Everything in this world is temporary. So why do we want to possess the things we want,knowing that some day,it would be gone. But yet another contradiction. Since our life given by god is temporary and we've only got one lifetime to be ourselves, why can't we desire the things we really want, knowin that we have no other chances to fight for it again. Then it all points down to the fact that we can't have everything we want. Life is unfair. We've got to live with it, or overcome it (Jason advised).
i cried my heart out at 1:46 PM
My D&D would be held tonight. The place...is so near.....yet so far.....out of reach. out of touch..one will be beside someone's else. enjoying time of the life.
Wondering how to go home..quite inconvenient..i hope i will enjoy myself..will i? When most are bringing their partners along...D&D..dinner & dance..mine would be dumb & dumber.
i cried my heart out at 9:16 AM
Met Jason at PS around 8plus. I suggested to go Cartel for drinks & their delicious bread. Well, we enjoyed the soda(with ice cream)..was yummy & ordered a plate of Calamari & scallops. Jason cut up many pieces of bread & i ended up eating 90% of them. laughs..I'm trying real hard to put on weight. Its been a long time since i ate the bread at Cartel. happy
After the satisfying meal,we wanted to take a cab down to Holland V so that Jason can retrieve his car from his sis. Alas, no taxis & everyone seemed to be eagerly waiting for one. We kept walking down..n down..from PS til we reached Peace centre & decided to hitch a cab from the taxi stand. We managed to hitch a cab about 15mins later, and we were the lucky one to sit in the Mercedes cab. The taxi went passed alot of familiar places, ACS barker..SMU..reminded me of something.
Reached Holland V & we were going different directions to look for the car. Haha..like a hide-&-seek, only to realize that the sis had parked the car quite a distance away from holland v. Met the Sis again after 1 year plus. Still a babe. Always think she is one. if i was a guy,i would go after her. Caught up with her while we walked to the car park.
Jason drove me home from Holland V..went passed orchard then all the way from CTE to my home. Nearing my home, i asked him if he wants to eat again. I didnt want to go home so early. So i directed him to S'goon gardens, for desserts. Yes..trying to put on as much weight & eat as much while i'm in a good mood. Really full now. Thanx jason..appreciated everything. Congrats to u know what, haha!
i cried my heart out at 8:40 AM
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Many envy me for being able to travel to Toronto all by myself..& staying there for a period of time.
I used to envy myself too,few weeks ago..that i could travel alone & it could be the greatest adventure for me. Now, i realized that i have a price to pay for having this sponspored air-tix by my parents.I have to make an oath to my parents. It's an oath that is suffocating me. That is why now i seem to can't leave at ease. I know they have good intentions. But i am so afraid of disappointing them.
The tots of the long hours of flight is making me feel dread right now. Going to get some sleeping pills from the doc. Who can i talk to in the plane? The air stewards...well British Airways air stewards are really friendly..nah.I prob stare at my mini tv,channel-surfing all the boring movies. No internet,sigh. Otherwise i can blog about how bored i am in the plane.I hope they will notice this little lost girl in the plane & keep an eye on me. Suddenly, i feel like i'm matilda.
I wonder what kind of feelings will i have when i touch down at London. Cos i still have another plane to catch after stopover at London.*wails........Its not fun.
Suppose to meet Jason at 10pm, well, changed to 8pm now. Feeling bored,going to die. Wanna go out for a breather. I need brainwash pills!!! no maybe i should just seek god.
Many envy me for being able to travel to Toronto all by myself..& staying there for a period of time.
I used to envy myself too,few weeks ago..that i could travel alone & it could be the greatest adventure for me. Now, i realized that i have a price to pay for having this sponspored air-tix by my parents.I have to make an oath to my parents. It's an oath that is suffocating me. That is why now i seem to can't leave at ease. I know they have good intentions. But i am so afraid of disappointing them.
The tots of the long hours of flight is making me feel dread right now. Going to get some sleeping pills from the doc. Who can i talk to in the plane? The air stewards...well British Airways air stewards are really friendly..nah.I prob stare at my mini tv,channel-surfing all the boring movies. No internet,sigh. Otherwise i can blog about how bored i am in the plane.I hope they will notice this little lost girl in the plane & keep an eye on me. Suddenly, i feel like i'm matilda.
I wonder what kind of feelings will i have when i touch down at London. Cos i still have another plane to catch after stopover at London.*wails........Its not fun.
Suppose to meet Jason at 10pm, well, changed to 8pm now. Feeling bored,going to die. Wanna go out for a breather. I need brainwash pills!!! no maybe i should just seek god.
i cried my heart out at 7:00 PM
it was the biggest mistake that i've made to go down to the airport that very day..i only have myself to blame.
i have to go,i have to leave,i have to disappear,i have to vanish,i have to run,i have to come back as a different person,i have to be independant,i have to be strong,i have to be happy,i have to be able to forget things,i have to realize & learn,i have to make people happy,i have to brainwash myself.
i cried my heart out at 4:42 PM
Stabbed..stabbed..stabbed..Bled.When will it ever run dry..
11 days left. Am i looking forward to leave s'pore? i really hope so.Beggin to leave.
So sweet of Ceres to call me up & wanted to spend some time with me before i leave.Thx gal.
Anyway,i have decided to come back early. I changed my flight to an earlier date.Hope i don't regret it. I have to pay close to $100 bucks to make amendments. I am looking forward to come back early to s'pore,even before i actually leave for Toronto?
I'm mad. yea..i'm mad. i'm a lunatic..i'm crazy..i'm dumb..i'm irritating..i'm expecting alot..i don't worth a penny..i'm stressing people..i have no control in life..i can't lead the life i dream of..i deserve to get scolded..i deserve to be treated this way..i'm worthless..i'm nuts..
buds,dont bother bout me. im lamenting.
i cried my heart out at 3:00 PM
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
i'm a silly girl
Love is everything to me
yet i lost everything in love
i'm not a plastic toy
i'm a girl with feelings
i don't cry like a lunatic
cos my heart just bleeds
Its far worst than crying
if u could ever see thru my heart
u only pity those who cried devastatingly
but u never pity the one who bleeds profusely
u'll see everyone as victims
except for the girl who goes unnoticed
cos the girl puts up a false front
pretending that nothing bad will befall
only to realize she has left..for good.
written by: broken wings pixie
i'm a silly girl
Love is everything to me
yet i lost everything in love
i'm not a plastic toy
i'm a girl with feelings
i don't cry like a lunatic
cos my heart just bleeds
Its far worst than crying
if u could ever see thru my heart
u only pity those who cried devastatingly
but u never pity the one who bleeds profusely
u'll see everyone as victims
except for the girl who goes unnoticed
cos the girl puts up a false front
pretending that nothing bad will befall
only to realize she has left..for good.
written by: broken wings pixie
i cried my heart out at 12:04 PM
someone mentioned that i look like those japanese cartoon character. Since ages ago already felt i look like one..
Huh..*in my mind pondering who is it*...Doraemon, pikachu, hello kitty??!?! uh..do i look like one of them..laughs.. No no..the ones in those japanese anime. Phew..but hey, that isn't a "cartoon character" yea.. Dumbo!
My favourite song during secondary school days, 'I miss u so much' by TLC.
I never asked for this feeling
I never thought I would fall
I never knew how I felt
Till the day you were gone
I was lost
I never asked for red roses
I wasn’t looking for love
Somehow I let my emotions take hold
And guess what all at onceI’m in love
Oh I miss you so much
I long for your love
It’s scares me cuz my heart gets so weak
That I can’t even breathe
How can you take things so easily
Baby why aren’t you missing me
Why did I act like you mattered
It was silly of me to believe
That if I just opened my heart things would come naturally
Jokes on me yeah
I did not ask for love letters
So why did you give them to me
How could I let your intentions
Get hold over me
So in love So naive oh baby
And oh how I hate what you have done
Made me fall so deep in love
Got no cure
You’re the only one I wantThat I love oh baby
Baby why aren’t you missing me
Baby why aren’t you missing me
i cried my heart out at 9:08 AM
my world..
i cried my heart out at 12:45 AM
people walk in parallel lines,eventually they will bump into each other in a circle.
i cried my heart out at 12:43 AM
One picture that says a thousand words.
i cried my heart out at 12:39 AM
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
i'll have to be a good girl for tomorrow & the day after. Otherwise, my parents are gona be upset with me for going out.
Time to do my laundry & start packing my luggage. Brr..duno what to start packing first.. feeling lazy..
Friday i'll be having my D&D. Time to catch up with other pals which i have not seen ever since the last day of our papers.
I really do not know how does it feel like to be away for 7 weeks. In a foreign land. The most that i've been away was 3 weeks in Aussie. Im excited bout this trip but rather more apprehensive suddenly. Will i learn independance from it? i should have just stick it to 6 weeks instead of prolonging it. I think i will miss Singapore.
i'll have to be a good girl for tomorrow & the day after. Otherwise, my parents are gona be upset with me for going out.
Time to do my laundry & start packing my luggage. Brr..duno what to start packing first.. feeling lazy..
Friday i'll be having my D&D. Time to catch up with other pals which i have not seen ever since the last day of our papers.
I really do not know how does it feel like to be away for 7 weeks. In a foreign land. The most that i've been away was 3 weeks in Aussie. Im excited bout this trip but rather more apprehensive suddenly. Will i learn independance from it? i should have just stick it to 6 weeks instead of prolonging it. I think i will miss Singapore.
i cried my heart out at 10:49 PM
Woke up in the morning.
Hurried to the kitchen. Boiled marcaroni.
Prepared another pot of boiled water. Stirred in some tom yam paste. Put in pork ribs (airpork..fresh from australia), Japanese golden mushrooms, cracked an egg..threw in a few stalks of vegetables.
Voila! Hope it tastes yummy. stomach growling.
i cried my heart out at 11:20 AM
Monday, April 11, 2005
I am never gonna take alcohol ever again. I have never felt so drunk and the feeling was really bad.
Mind spinning, head swaying, walk sideways, nauseous, throwing up, insomnia, dehydration..if you put a cup of alcohol in front of me, i will look at it & feel disgusted. I could still remember the taste of that weird drink yesterday. I need a sweet to combat that taste.
Kept gobbling food down as well, just to make sure that my stomach doesnt grouch too much due to the alcohol. Sigh..it was unintentional. I didn't know the alcohol was so strong. And i drank too fast i guessed.
Stella is afraid of alcohol now. Very afraid..
15 days left. Scary isn't it.
i cried my heart out at 12:40 PM
11.04.05
A significant day for me. (13th) no one would understand what i'm talking about, its alright.
I realized that it's not the quantity but quality.
Even a few minutes could be enough.
i cried my heart out at 10:09 AM
I got myself drunk again..this time really drunk
I have never talked so much rubbish in my life, i have never walked with crissed-crossed legs before. I have never swayed my head left & right uncontrollably..
I went to Boat Quay..a place where they played really nice R&B music(my fav), it used to be hendricks(i duno how to spell it), now it becomes Queenz..Not a very dressed up place, but ya, good music that's the most impt.
I'm having a real headache.
15 days and i will be flying off...
i cried my heart out at 12:00 AM
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Locked in my heart:
*a sweet picture attached with a silly voice singing the song "Forever" by damage on the background*
Tears flowed down. naturally.
I'll be loving u, forever...
inside my heart you'll live whenever
Even if u took my heart and tore it apart
I would love u still forever
U are the sun
U are my life
And you're the last thing on my mind
Before i go to sleep at night
U're always 'round, when i'm in need
When trouble's on my mind, you put my soul at ease
There is no one in this world, who can love me like u do
So many reasons that i wanna spend forever with u
I'll be loving u, forever
Deep inside my heart u'll live whenever
Even if u took my heart and tore it apart
I would love u still forever
We've had our fun and we've made mistakes
but who'd have guessed that along that road
we'd learn to give and take
It's so much more than i could have dreamed
U make loving u so easy for me
There is no one in this world
Who can love me like u do that is the reason that i wanna share forever with u
I'll be loving u forever
Deep inside my heart u'll live whenever
Even if u took my heart and tore it apart
I would love u still, forever
And girl i pray u'll live whenever
Cuz this is the world where lovers often go astray
But if we love each other, we won't go that way
So put ur doubts aside
Do what it takes to make it right
Cuz i'll love u,Forever, no one can tear us apart
I'll be loving u forever (forever)
Deep inside my heart u'll live whenever (won't ever leave,no)
Even if u took my heart (took my heart) And tore it apart (and tore it apart, girl)
I would love u still, forever
( i just want u to know that)
I can't eat
I can't sleep
I can't breathe
Whenever i'm without u
When we walk i stand tall
When i talk i only talk about u
(even if u took my heart and tore it apart, i would love u still, forever...)
Locked in my heart:
*a sweet picture attached with a silly voice singing the song "Forever" by damage on the background*
Tears flowed down. naturally.
I'll be loving u, forever...
inside my heart you'll live whenever
Even if u took my heart and tore it apart
I would love u still forever
U are the sun
U are my life
And you're the last thing on my mind
Before i go to sleep at night
U're always 'round, when i'm in need
When trouble's on my mind, you put my soul at ease
There is no one in this world, who can love me like u do
So many reasons that i wanna spend forever with u
I'll be loving u, forever
Deep inside my heart u'll live whenever
Even if u took my heart and tore it apart
I would love u still forever
We've had our fun and we've made mistakes
but who'd have guessed that along that road
we'd learn to give and take
It's so much more than i could have dreamed
U make loving u so easy for me
There is no one in this world
Who can love me like u do that is the reason that i wanna share forever with u
I'll be loving u forever
Deep inside my heart u'll live whenever
Even if u took my heart and tore it apart
I would love u still, forever
And girl i pray u'll live whenever
Cuz this is the world where lovers often go astray
But if we love each other, we won't go that way
So put ur doubts aside
Do what it takes to make it right
Cuz i'll love u,Forever, no one can tear us apart
I'll be loving u forever (forever)
Deep inside my heart u'll live whenever (won't ever leave,no)
Even if u took my heart (took my heart) And tore it apart (and tore it apart, girl)
I would love u still, forever
( i just want u to know that)
I can't eat
I can't sleep
I can't breathe
Whenever i'm without u
When we walk i stand tall
When i talk i only talk about u
(even if u took my heart and tore it apart, i would love u still, forever...)
i cried my heart out at 12:38 PM
05.04.05
airport adventure.
26.04.05
airport departure.
i cried my heart out at 12:14 PM
my beautiful buddie, ceres & me (an old pic)
i cried my heart out at 3:05 AM
i should be happy
i cried my heart out at 2:59 AM
Saturday, April 09, 2005
I spent the whole saturday at home. I am feeling kinda low and lonely. Having a headache (prob because i slept like 5am yesterday & the hangover etc)
Brendan left for Shanghai & we can't have buddie time. Ceres is busy with work. I do have a choice to go out, but i don't know. I guess im feeling drained, so i chose to stay at home. The past few weeks, my saturday was filled with programmes. Today seemed dead. It felt like Sunday to me. I seemed to have lotsa things to say. If not i would explode. But really my friends, I am so sorry. I seemed to make you guys worry for me time & time again. I do not wish to drain you people as well.
Mum was urging me to teach her to use MSN & hotmail just now,so that she could communicate with me when i go to Canada & when my sis leaves for Japan. She is picking up quite fast..Hee..She better not forget when i leave otherwise its redundant. Is leaving for Canada for 2 months, a great choice? Would i be forgotten by..
I spent the whole saturday at home. I am feeling kinda low and lonely. Having a headache (prob because i slept like 5am yesterday & the hangover etc)
Brendan left for Shanghai & we can't have buddie time. Ceres is busy with work. I do have a choice to go out, but i don't know. I guess im feeling drained, so i chose to stay at home. The past few weeks, my saturday was filled with programmes. Today seemed dead. It felt like Sunday to me. I seemed to have lotsa things to say. If not i would explode. But really my friends, I am so sorry. I seemed to make you guys worry for me time & time again. I do not wish to drain you people as well.
Mum was urging me to teach her to use MSN & hotmail just now,so that she could communicate with me when i go to Canada & when my sis leaves for Japan. She is picking up quite fast..Hee..She better not forget when i leave otherwise its redundant. Is leaving for Canada for 2 months, a great choice? Would i be forgotten by..
i cried my heart out at 9:30 PM
What is love? Why loving someone seems so difficult? Why can't you be with the one you love? Why does love hurts? Why is love so complicated? Why do you end up with a person you don't love? Why love makes you cry? Why love makes you do silly stuff? Why love is selfish? Why a person whom was hurt so much, continue to love?
I learnt something. Keep the person i love in my heart. Til the day i die..the undying love unlocks. I guess you don't have to be with the someone you love. Isn't it silly. But its reality.
i cried my heart out at 6:36 PM
SOMEONE SLAP ME PLEASE..i just went to check my cumulative grade point average. IT'S NOT WHAT I EXPECTED IT TO BE. i would definetly get strike off from the director's list this semester. I have done the silliest thing to my exams this time. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need to vent it out. Don't worry about me. I am okay,i just need someone to slap me.
i cried my heart out at 12:00 PM
im tired over many things.
I would like to thank harold,for coming to the rescue all the way from his house to that faraway place and picked me up. He was in the comfort of his own house,just reached home at 1am, i called him & he rushed down. Really felt so guilty over it. *thank you so much buddie,how many times have i imposed on you just because i was feeling weak & you are always there.*
How did i really felt when my last semester fared the worst out of my entire education in TP, not being able to maintain my top 5% position this year because of some hurts that was inflicted into my life & to know that some people actually did their best. It kills. Just kills me. A saying 'People's happiness is sometimes gain from other's agony' . It so aint worth it. People are smiling in their hearts while darts pierce through my heart. It aint this matter that upset me entirely, there were many others.
Thank u brendan, sorry for making you watch my ugly scene.
Harold came to pick me at 2am,trying to find his way. Never once left me in the lurch. I was feeling terrible. The contents were at the brim of my throat, my mind seems to waver & i didnt know exactly what i was saying, was feeling hot & my stomach hurts. It happens each time when i drink few mouthfuls of alcohol.
It has been years since i gobble down a bottle of alcohol. I'm lousy, even now, sipping a few mouthfuls of beer would hurt my stomach & made me wanna puked. (my liver cannot metabolised alcohol) I am actually surprised that i finished the bottle of Barcardi because usually halfway, i would start puking. I just felt like drinking, so that i could go home & fall into deep sleep. I need someone to pour out my feelings to cos i'm feeling so suffocated. It started to drizzle & i had to run for shelter to wait for harold.
Yea, thanks harold for being thoughtful, bringing a bottle of mineral water for me. It saves me a little though. The car was parked. It started to drizzle & i suggested to lay back in the car wanting to admire the raindrops,whilst listening to music. It was nice. Soothing & cold, talking. Nice to chill with drinks ya. I wonder how long we stayed there. Really long i think..I deprived him of sleep & he has exams next week. Thx boy, i really appreciated your unconditional help.
17 days left to my disapperance..
i cried my heart out at 11:22 AM
Friday, April 08, 2005
nothing last forever
nothing last forever
i cried my heart out at 11:20 PM