[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Saturday, November 26, 2005

i'm surprised that my new blog seemed to be known to more people than i've expected. If it wasn't for my friend, i wouldn't know that you posted an entry to scold me.

Can i make this really clear, if you are reading this?

What you have scolded me, are absolutely one-sided or from your own perspective. I do not mind even if you made it so clear in your blog that the person you are scolding is me. If your friends want to read that, and have any bad thoughts about me, go ahead alright. I wouldn't be arguing with you in your tag-board to explain.

I believe in what i do, even if it means people accusing me, as long as i know i did not do what i should not do, I'm conscious-clear.

U think it was wrong for me to take back my stuff from him? Let me tell you why i did it. It's my stuff, my own photos that i have been asking him to return to me since the day we parted. But he didn't want to.

Yes, it has been 8 months that we have parted, and yet i asked him back for my stuff. Why? Because i can see that both of you are really in love, thus there is really no point of him keeping my pictures and it was the best time to take it back from him. Did i not email you and ask you if he could kindly give it to me? Did i not let you know first before i done so. I even told you that i could take it from someone else instead of him, didn't i?

I did not secretly meet him. I did not meet him up for the thoughts of trying to break both of you up. I meet him up for ONE purpose - to finally get my stuff back. You can see that i don't ask for other material stuff back, i only asked for my photos. Why? Because the other things does not mean anything to me. I do not want my photos to end up with a man who chucked it one side and let it rust. Did i not tell you & him that he can cut his picture away and just give me back mine? Do you think i want the photos back because i want to see him?

I even told him that it would be best that he return my pictures to me, so that he can prove to you that he really loves you and the past is over. I told him that ample times. Finally, when he decided to return me, i thanked him for it. The post that i written on Thursday, might have angered you, for saying about the actions of your boyfriend. But did i bad-mouthed you? Did i write so much about you & him? I think i wrote more about myself. I only said that i hope you will be more confident and i know you are a confident person that's why i think you should stop thinking that i still want to get back with him and break both of you up. Because you kept thinking that i still 'love' your boyfriend, even in your post today. Would i not think that you are thinking too much? All these while, i am willing to treat him like a friend even though the past was horrible. That doesn't mean i like him. U said u are a woman, you know what i'm thinking but that doesn't mean every woman thinks the same way, my dear. I was asking nicely to you in MSN, you didn't want to reply & i didn't scream at you, i still told you, its alright.

You are his gf. You definitely thinks that what he did on Thursday was right. Let me tell you. Be in my position. A man whom i have known and was with for a year, he gave the stuff back to me by treating me as if i wasn't a human. I wasn't there. He passed it to a ghost. He did not and have not respected me as a woman. A man, a real man, would have sincerly passed it to me with two hands and dare to give me direct eye contact. And he just ran away back to you. Now, a mature person will not do that. Even if he knows that his gf is there, and he doesn't want to upset you. Whatever he did to me, you think was right?Maybe. Because you are not the woman that he did not disrespect you. What happened if you were his ex-gf and standing there receiving the stuff?

You want to know why i msged him after he did that action? I told myself, if i allow him to do that to me, without saying my piece, i am too forgiving. So i did, i knew you were there & i msged him to tell him my piece of mind. Do you know if he were to return me without being so rude, i would have been thankful that he agreed to give the stuff back to me? I was thankful that he finally agreed, i even wanted to say a word of 'Thank you' to him, he didn't gave me that chance. Do you think i want that day to end up like that? It was his actions that made the situation.

Sometimes, for whatever things that have happened, please look at the actions first and see who has been right or wrong, before jumping to scold me in your blog and let people think that i was acting like a bitch when you didn't state what has happened. And you are right, we have nothing to do with each other & please be assured that by taking my stuff back, there is nothing else i am asking for.

The way you wrote it in your blog, stated clearly that you have the authority to scold me. And you even wanted me to reflect on myself. Now, i have already reflected. But i know you wouldn't be happy with this post either. But can i just hope that everything ends from here. I told God honestly, i do not dislike you. Really, okay?

Just to let you know, since that you know my blog add again, i would set a password to it soon. If you dislike me and wouldn't want to have a single thing to do with me, then my new blog means nothing to you. I changed a new blog to start anew, and i didn't change a new blog to bad-mouth you. All the posts since the day i've changed, i didn't talk about you. Only until the day i met him up. So be assured, i didn't change it to scold you even more alright?

Since I've got the chance now to say this to Clarence, i would still say what i wish to say that day. Thank you, for agreeing to pass me back the stuff after so long. And, thank you for asking her not to scold me to make matters worst even though she blogged about it.

If you could kindly take down the post, i could too. Thank you. I'm not mad alright. I don't wish to be unhappy for things that are unnecessary.

i cried my heart out at 1:09 AM