Thursday, March 31, 2005
Had a simple yet delicious lunchie with the gals today near Maxwell Road. Ceres gave rach a farewell hug and two kisses on the cheek before she left for work. Both of them almost cried. *sighs
Oh god. I warned rach not to cry tomorrow, if not i will start tearing too. Huggies allowed but dont kiss me i said. *giggles.. Oh no, im losing my dear friend tomorrow.
Hmm, i'm still keeping my fingers crossed bout that ads. Actually i do have mixed feelings. I do want to get that job for cash & also for experience, but at the same time do not feel like going for it as it kinds of stress me up and i feel im not up to it. I have to go for fitting of clothes and stuff. Gota wear professional clothes. *Awe.. I dont know why im so stress. Maybe its becos i feel im not the type of girls they are looking for their ads and if they really did choose me, that doubles the stress. I have to make myself look mature.
Ceres dated me to go sun tanning this Sat. Alright baby. Let's go for a buddie time(this time w/o rachel)..sobz.
Had a simple yet delicious lunchie with the gals today near Maxwell Road. Ceres gave rach a farewell hug and two kisses on the cheek before she left for work. Both of them almost cried. *sighs
Oh god. I warned rach not to cry tomorrow, if not i will start tearing too. Huggies allowed but dont kiss me i said. *giggles.. Oh no, im losing my dear friend tomorrow.
Hmm, i'm still keeping my fingers crossed bout that ads. Actually i do have mixed feelings. I do want to get that job for cash & also for experience, but at the same time do not feel like going for it as it kinds of stress me up and i feel im not up to it. I have to go for fitting of clothes and stuff. Gota wear professional clothes. *Awe.. I dont know why im so stress. Maybe its becos i feel im not the type of girls they are looking for their ads and if they really did choose me, that doubles the stress. I have to make myself look mature.
Ceres dated me to go sun tanning this Sat. Alright baby. Let's go for a buddie time(this time w/o rachel)..sobz.
i cried my heart out at 8:55 PM
Going down to Ceres' office with rachel today. The advertising boss wanna take a look at me & prob take some photos.
Its also the final lunch that the 3 of us are gonna have together. Guess what? I heard that they need male models as well and one of the male models most likely would be Jason (ceres' bf). Laughs! Hey it would be nice working with you right! Rather than me feeling uneasy taking photos with other guys.
Can i just pray i get the job? I think its a little bit difficult as i've got a baby face. The ads is on Honda Cars. They want those executive faces. I dont think i have. *in awe. Let's just see how it goes.
i cried my heart out at 11:57 AM
the unglam shots. caught unaware
i cried my heart out at 5:51 AM
another one! Woah, these pics are ages man..
i cried my heart out at 5:42 AM
hey Jason, i found this pic in my comp! haha. So long time ago!! so blur yea.
i cried my heart out at 5:38 AM
i miss this bear of mine. Its dead now. Gone with the winds..
i cried my heart out at 5:33 AM
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
My cousin called from Canada today. He always calls and talk to me as if its free..He is rich. Tsk tsk. Was telling him my concern about the cat. i told him that i don't mind going for 'Bed & breakfast' stay or staying in a hostel. But he said that defeats the purpose of me going there as i could go there for free lodging. It would cost me about CAD $700 to stay a month(without breakfast) in a hostel.
Well, i told him worst come to worst, we'll just work out something when i reach there. I probably stay in his friend's place for the first few days & adapt to the cat. If i can't, then i will opt to stay in a hostel. Its quite scary ya know.
I tried staying in a YHA hostel in Tasmania & Melbourne last year and freaked out when the room had to squeeze in 6 strangers comprising of 3 double deck beds. It costs about AUS 22 to stay per night. I sat on the bed with my sister & started to worry how our bunkmates will turn out to be. Within mins, we rushed down to the reception and changed into a single room (with a queen size bed & private toilet..phew). We were lucky that there were still vacant single rooms available. But of course, the price is so much higher & we stayed for 5 nights in Tassie. But it really relieved us alot. 5 nights with strangers from all walks of life? No way.
Btw guys, i will be bringing my hp but not my sim card. I will buy a pre-paid card from there. So pls remember, do not call me from April 26-June 14. I will be bringing my laptop and will be on MSN or updating my blog. Anything u guys want me to help you look out for, can always tell me on msn. Ya, bout the MOE/NIE thingy, can update me thru msn as well. Thanks pals.
My cousin called from Canada today. He always calls and talk to me as if its free..He is rich. Tsk tsk. Was telling him my concern about the cat. i told him that i don't mind going for 'Bed & breakfast' stay or staying in a hostel. But he said that defeats the purpose of me going there as i could go there for free lodging. It would cost me about CAD $700 to stay a month(without breakfast) in a hostel.
Well, i told him worst come to worst, we'll just work out something when i reach there. I probably stay in his friend's place for the first few days & adapt to the cat. If i can't, then i will opt to stay in a hostel. Its quite scary ya know.
I tried staying in a YHA hostel in Tasmania & Melbourne last year and freaked out when the room had to squeeze in 6 strangers comprising of 3 double deck beds. It costs about AUS 22 to stay per night. I sat on the bed with my sister & started to worry how our bunkmates will turn out to be. Within mins, we rushed down to the reception and changed into a single room (with a queen size bed & private toilet..phew). We were lucky that there were still vacant single rooms available. But of course, the price is so much higher & we stayed for 5 nights in Tassie. But it really relieved us alot. 5 nights with strangers from all walks of life? No way.
Btw guys, i will be bringing my hp but not my sim card. I will buy a pre-paid card from there. So pls remember, do not call me from April 26-June 14. I will be bringing my laptop and will be on MSN or updating my blog. Anything u guys want me to help you look out for, can always tell me on msn. Ya, bout the MOE/NIE thingy, can update me thru msn as well. Thanks pals.
i cried my heart out at 4:00 PM
Rac is leaving on fri, going to the airport at night to send her off with her mum. She doesn't want too many people to see her off, else it will be dramatic. Isn't it?
Owells, nobody gona send me to the airport. Who would? 3.40 am in the morning. My parents jus gona dump me at the airport and i would roam about til my flight takes off at 5.40. Its crazy having to check in 2 hours before. I bet i couldnt sleep in the plane. I never once doze off in the plane before. I jus cant get to sleep. Everyone says i will have jet lag once i rch there.
Well, bout that cat. Sighs..i will see how it goes. I wouldnt want to wake up in the middle of the night and see it lying beside me. I thot about it, either i buy a nice little cage for that cat (or hopefully his house has balcony with sliding doors) or i will rent a room from my cousin's friend (whoever has space in their house). Pray hard that the cat is tame enough. Im no kiddin, i've seen pics before, he looked exactly like Garfield except for being black & white in colour. He is extremely obese. * wails again.
i cried my heart out at 11:33 AM
didnt know that being liked or loved by someone can be quite vexing too huh.
hey gals, that 'u know who', the 'eurasian' (dont want to mention names) msged me again. wanna meet me up. *intimidated..
i cried my heart out at 7:57 AM
we are the sparstic girls..laughs..
i cried my heart out at 5:09 AM
a place i have to visit in Canada. The Nigara Falls. Heard so much about it
i cried my heart out at 12:18 AM
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
sorry gals, never go for the design presentation today. Forgotten to set the alarm, alas, woke up at 12pm. Too tired i guess, its been a long time since i slept til noon.
Right..im quite frustrated today. Maybe cos i have lotsa things to do. Gota settle bills, send pics to cere's advertisin friend, start packing my luggage a little, thinking of how to help rachel settle her money probs.
My cousin called up today..he said his favourite cat will be roaming about in his house, i have to be prepared. Can i cry?? Guys, u should know that im VERY afraid of cats. Alyssa, i used to be quite afraid of dogs but it seems like your wayne doesnt seem to scare me much. I can walk around at ease even when he is on the loose or just beside me. I just dislike cats alot. And his cat is damn fat, like garfield. Colour of the cat: black & white. UGH.. Gimme some suggestions pls. I told him to latch his cat, he said no way. He told me to get a cat now to put in my house and get used to it. (oh c'mon, thats the last thing i would do) I need to get the phobia off. *wails.
sorry gals, never go for the design presentation today. Forgotten to set the alarm, alas, woke up at 12pm. Too tired i guess, its been a long time since i slept til noon.
Right..im quite frustrated today. Maybe cos i have lotsa things to do. Gota settle bills, send pics to cere's advertisin friend, start packing my luggage a little, thinking of how to help rachel settle her money probs.
My cousin called up today..he said his favourite cat will be roaming about in his house, i have to be prepared. Can i cry?? Guys, u should know that im VERY afraid of cats. Alyssa, i used to be quite afraid of dogs but it seems like your wayne doesnt seem to scare me much. I can walk around at ease even when he is on the loose or just beside me. I just dislike cats alot. And his cat is damn fat, like garfield. Colour of the cat: black & white. UGH.. Gimme some suggestions pls. I told him to latch his cat, he said no way. He told me to get a cat now to put in my house and get used to it. (oh c'mon, thats the last thing i would do) I need to get the phobia off. *wails.
i cried my heart out at 11:21 PM
I love this hairstyle. Its about the same length as mine & same highlights.Gona cut it soon!
i cried my heart out at 8:10 PM
hmm..yes..what do u want
i cried my heart out at 5:36 AM
im pretty bored of myself..haha..can someone beautiful exchange faces with me..
i cried my heart out at 5:24 AM
Monday, March 28, 2005
the sun is so glaring. we cant open our eyes..
the sun is so glaring. we cant open our eyes..
i cried my heart out at 11:44 PM
Rachel and i collected our air tickets today. I extended my stay today cos i really wanted to stay longer. Was deciding to come back for my birthday so i would fly back on the 12th of June and only reach Spore on 14th June, a day before my birthday! Yipee. So total 7 weeks in Toronto.
The weirdest thing that Rac took note of. Her air ticket shows that she will be flying from Spore to Istambul,taking a total of 13h 35mins to reach and my air ticket also shows 13h 35 mins flying from Spore to London. She finds it so amazing, that we are best friends, travelling to different parts of the world but taking exact timing to reach our stopover destination. She has decided to buy the number '1335' for fun.
Had so much fun in Sentosa. A new place we discovered and it was really cool. Took alot of pictures. Gota know the pub manager, who is 26 years old but can pass off as 20. Had free drinks. A guy came up to me today and said i look familiar. Are you from TP he asked. he looked familiar as well. Haha. Why do i always get to know people from our sch? But nah, not interested. Going back to suntan tomorrow again. Rachel fell in love with that place. What can i say? She is leaving soon, so better get more buddie time.
Ceres has another advertisement offer for me again. For Honda i think. Hopefully i get it. Pray that i get it. I want cash!
i cried my heart out at 10:48 PM
Woke up early today. Wanna get a golden tan at silosa beach with dearie today!
i cried my heart out at 10:12 PM
a candid shot taken by rachel
i cried my heart out at 8:01 AM
Sticking out the tongue, acting lesbo. (manager asked us to do so)
i cried my heart out at 7:14 AM
awaked stella & sleepy rachel
i cried my heart out at 7:13 AM
candid shot..so funny
i cried my heart out at 7:04 AM
me n manager of the bar
i cried my heart out at 6:55 AM
On the sentosa bus to the beach
i cried my heart out at 5:44 AM
what a huge sunglass, rac's friend lend me to shun off the sun.
i cried my heart out at 5:30 AM
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Had a farewell dinner at Rach house in the evening with her mum & her friends.
Jason came to pick me up from Rac house. And we really had last min plans thinking of where to go in the car. Was figuring out a way to get out of Yishun first and then while we were on the way to CTE, i suddenly thought of going to Changi Aiport to see aeroplanes. But we have already overshot PIE. haha..but Jason was kind enough to say, its okay, we could always make a U-turn.
So we had to go the long way from CTE to PIE and then a long journey to the airport. Guess what? Couldnt find the runway and we made two long turns at Changi airport. Yup jason, my fault. laughs. the whole night giving wrong directions til he didnt want to trust me. Ended up heading to Tampines direction and finally saw the signboard 'Changi village'.
Yikes, we spent about 1 hour in the car travelling from yishun to Changi village. Went to see 'trans' and tonight 'trans' were the japsters kind. Quite pretty and he asked me to say hi to them. haha. of course i didnt. Then we headed down to the secluded place and saw few cars parking at the remote place. Had a good laugh at them and the headlights disturbed them while we left. We eventually found the runway and stopped over to view the beautiful sea where the moon light was shinning on the surface of the waters. Magnificent sight.
It was a long journey through the airport runways and again, we took a wrong route and ended up at ECP at east coast. We had no choice but to drive all the way to Suntec city and go back to my home by CTE. What a night! Spent like 3 hours in the car roaming about Singapore. Haha, was fun because i do enjoy car rides and we were saying that we went 'tian ya hai jiao' .
Thank u, very waste of petrol ya. And giving u so many funny directions but we always still do end up at the place ya. Never scolded me but make fun of me. What a funny remark,when i got into the car, he said 'y do u smell like a baby?'. grins. Okay i'll tell u the answer, cos i am a baby. a girl who never grows up. haha..
Had a farewell dinner at Rach house in the evening with her mum & her friends.
Jason came to pick me up from Rac house. And we really had last min plans thinking of where to go in the car. Was figuring out a way to get out of Yishun first and then while we were on the way to CTE, i suddenly thought of going to Changi Aiport to see aeroplanes. But we have already overshot PIE. haha..but Jason was kind enough to say, its okay, we could always make a U-turn.
So we had to go the long way from CTE to PIE and then a long journey to the airport. Guess what? Couldnt find the runway and we made two long turns at Changi airport. Yup jason, my fault. laughs. the whole night giving wrong directions til he didnt want to trust me. Ended up heading to Tampines direction and finally saw the signboard 'Changi village'.
Yikes, we spent about 1 hour in the car travelling from yishun to Changi village. Went to see 'trans' and tonight 'trans' were the japsters kind. Quite pretty and he asked me to say hi to them. haha. of course i didnt. Then we headed down to the secluded place and saw few cars parking at the remote place. Had a good laugh at them and the headlights disturbed them while we left. We eventually found the runway and stopped over to view the beautiful sea where the moon light was shinning on the surface of the waters. Magnificent sight.
It was a long journey through the airport runways and again, we took a wrong route and ended up at ECP at east coast. We had no choice but to drive all the way to Suntec city and go back to my home by CTE. What a night! Spent like 3 hours in the car roaming about Singapore. Haha, was fun because i do enjoy car rides and we were saying that we went 'tian ya hai jiao' .
Thank u, very waste of petrol ya. And giving u so many funny directions but we always still do end up at the place ya. Never scolded me but make fun of me. What a funny remark,when i got into the car, he said 'y do u smell like a baby?'. grins. Okay i'll tell u the answer, cos i am a baby. a girl who never grows up. haha..
i cried my heart out at 11:16 PM
I hope to give thanks to everyone individually and hope i do not missed out anyone:
To Mummy: Thank u for being such a loving & caring mum for your naughty little daughter. Thank u (both) for sponsoring me on a holiday.
To Step daddy: Thank u for treating me like your own daughter all these years & pamper me so much.
To Rachel: Thank u for always sending me encouraging sms & listening to my cries & told me not to cry. Thank u for spending time with me when im lonely.
To Ceres: Thank u for your good advice & praises & we will be there for each another when rac leaves. To Jason: Thank you for asking me to be strong and move on with life.
To Ruth: Thank u for bringing me back to God, inviting me to study at your place and always so caring towards me. U are very christ-like, im serious.
To Alyssa: Thank u for being honest and told me the truth, putting me up at your place- offering me your bed after i got out of hospital. U have been very caring & kind as well.
To Grace: Thank you for always coming up to me and asking how am i. Thank u for supporting me when i felt weak.
To Brendan: Thank you for always remindin me not to talk about my problems and the company of yours with us.
To Harold: Thank u for lettin me jump on you like a little kitten when i am upset. Thank u for always coming to my house & pick me up and bring me to wonderful places to chill out & de-stress.
To Bangwei: Thank you for all the snacks u bgt for me to whet my appetite that could last for weeks. Thank u for remembering my mum's birthday & thank u for listening to my problems. U have always been there when i need help.
To Bernard & Chris: Thank u for offering me to come over to Canada and willing to take care of sucha troublesome girl.
i cried my heart out at 10:34 PM
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Went with my ex bf Jason for a car ride and landed at esplanade (marina promenade) for chit-chat. a place we used to frequent when we were together. laughs
Don't worry Jason, u still look gd with your shaved head. Been a year since we last met and seemed like he didnt change much. Caught up with each other's lives and was kinda cute to talk about the past, esp the jerk thingy ya.
Its nice to see each other again, with a different perspective of life and maybe each other. Its funny how we met each other once again and instead of ignoring one another, we seem to get along pretty well. Called me an apple. haha. And said apple is sweet. But i argued that honey is sweet, apple isnt. Owells, haha. enjoyed the company ya.
Nice soothing car ride on the way back home, with nice music and the street lights. Thank u for sending me home. So sorry that you will have a long journey on your way back to jurong. Thank u for sending me up too. Dinner's on me ok. Take care of your health as well. (overdosage of fisherman's friends kills your infected throat too) *grins.
Went with my ex bf Jason for a car ride and landed at esplanade (marina promenade) for chit-chat. a place we used to frequent when we were together. laughs
Don't worry Jason, u still look gd with your shaved head. Been a year since we last met and seemed like he didnt change much. Caught up with each other's lives and was kinda cute to talk about the past, esp the jerk thingy ya.
Its nice to see each other again, with a different perspective of life and maybe each other. Its funny how we met each other once again and instead of ignoring one another, we seem to get along pretty well. Called me an apple. haha. And said apple is sweet. But i argued that honey is sweet, apple isnt. Owells, haha. enjoyed the company ya.
Nice soothing car ride on the way back home, with nice music and the street lights. Thank u for sending me home. So sorry that you will have a long journey on your way back to jurong. Thank u for sending me up too. Dinner's on me ok. Take care of your health as well. (overdosage of fisherman's friends kills your infected throat too) *grins.
i cried my heart out at 11:59 PM
My dear friends, im confirmed flying on the 26th of April to Toronto. Im taking a direct flight to Toronto. Parents worry about my safety of flying from Spore to Japan then to Vancouver and then to Toronto. Its a very long and indirect way. Too bad not Japan airlines anymore, but British Airways.
Phew..24 hours of flight. Cooped up in the plane. But i heard an exciting piece of news. I would be stopping over at London for 3 hours. Yikes yikes!! No Japan, London is marvellous too. I do not have to take a domestic flight from Vancouver to Toronto, which saves me alot of hassle.
Wanted to fly there around the 15th of April. Alas, all the tickets are fully booked from the 15th onwards, thus i can only fly on the 26th. Imagine, have to depart from the airport at 5am in the morning. Snorez...Guess what? Direct flight to Toronto is ridiculous, including tax, my parents have to pay almost $2000 bucks for air ticket. I feel like crying. Heart aching. Told them that i will pay them back, its not really nice to make them pay $2000 for their little naughty daughter.
Goin for more than 6 weeks. I felt it was kind of short, but maybe i better come back for my birthday. i hope you guys have a great time in Bangkok shopping. I was very excited to join you guys, know that i will have a great time with you people talking nonsense, shopping, eating and maybe pillow fights in the hotel room. I will miss all the fun with you people, never once travel with you guys before.
Definetly will not missed soveniers for you guys. U people also better buy something small for me k. laughs sheepishly.. Do you guys have anything in mind that you would like me to help you buy from Toronto? not something big n heavy k. Cos im travelling alone and i couldnt carry a huge luggage. I think the caucasians will do me a favour by pullin my luggage out of the conveyor belt. Thats what happen when i was in Aussie last year. HAHA. They see sucha tiny little pixie girl. Im helpless boy!
i cried my heart out at 3:00 PM
Friday, March 25, 2005
Once again, i thank all of you guys out there who have been helping me, encouraging me, de-stressing me, being there for me, hearing my cries for the past 1 month. Without you people, Stella would have given up. All of you(only those who know you have always been there to see me through) are the kindest & most self-sacrificing people i've ever met. I thank god for lettting me know you guys and also thank my family for the support.
Thank you for buying a winter wear for me. That's pretty fast of your actions. how do you know im going overseas, must have read my blog? haha
Went to seletar country club to celebrate my mum's birthday. The place is so unlike Singapore. My gosh. It looks like australia (too bad, lack of horses and sheeps on the grassland). Hey harold, we should go there with your bike okie! I think its pretty cool to ride through the place!
Yup people. 99% confirmed that im going to Canada. Now im just planning on which date to go. Im afraid i might fail ComN paper, so i have to wait for the results and see if i have to take supp paper before i fly. Im so sorry guys, that i might not be able to join you all for the Bangkok trip as i will be going there from mid april til june. My parents told me that they will pay for my air ticket as a good reward for me. So touched.
Things doesnt work out often takes two person, not just one. Its just not meant to be. But the way people handle things, could be a little bit more considerate and tactful. Whatever it is (be happy both of u) that i have no feelings for him. It has died due to all the things being said and done. Run the obstacles together, whatsoever, just know that your obstacles doesnt involve me. Once bitten, twice shy.
Once again, i thank all of you guys out there who have been helping me, encouraging me, de-stressing me, being there for me, hearing my cries for the past 1 month. Without you people, Stella would have given up. All of you(only those who know you have always been there to see me through) are the kindest & most self-sacrificing people i've ever met. I thank god for lettting me know you guys and also thank my family for the support.
Thank you for buying a winter wear for me. That's pretty fast of your actions. how do you know im going overseas, must have read my blog? haha
Went to seletar country club to celebrate my mum's birthday. The place is so unlike Singapore. My gosh. It looks like australia (too bad, lack of horses and sheeps on the grassland). Hey harold, we should go there with your bike okie! I think its pretty cool to ride through the place!
Yup people. 99% confirmed that im going to Canada. Now im just planning on which date to go. Im afraid i might fail ComN paper, so i have to wait for the results and see if i have to take supp paper before i fly. Im so sorry guys, that i might not be able to join you all for the Bangkok trip as i will be going there from mid april til june. My parents told me that they will pay for my air ticket as a good reward for me. So touched.
Things doesnt work out often takes two person, not just one. Its just not meant to be. But the way people handle things, could be a little bit more considerate and tactful. Whatever it is (be happy both of u) that i have no feelings for him. It has died due to all the things being said and done. Run the obstacles together, whatsoever, just know that your obstacles doesnt involve me. Once bitten, twice shy.
i cried my heart out at 11:01 PM
I had sucha hellaluva time today!
Met Brendan at Toa payoh to wait for Ceres. Waited for almost a hr plus but not a soul. So we decided to head down to Orchard first.
Went shopping at forever 21, topshop, zara and Brendan bought a nice yellow tee shirt which i commented was reaaally nice. He agreeded too! Then i headed down to women's secret and bgt this really nice toiletry bag (resembles paul smith design) for my canada trip. Even ceres & rac were smitten by it. Finally, ceres came and we headed down to Paragon Baker's Inn for a satisfying meal.
After filling up our stomach, we went Heeren Spinelli and met rachel there. Poor rac, had eye infection and had no choice but to wear her specky? And guess what? Me, brendan, rachel and ceres were all wearing specs and we decided to take a good shot of us. HAHA. will post it online soon. Ceres was commenting whether we should catch a movie as she said she hasnt watch Hitch yet. And i screamed...'I havent watch it too, i sooo wanna watch'. Brendan left to meet his frens for a horror flick while we went cineleisure to catch the midnite flick.
Could you believe it? 8 yrs of frenship but this was the ever first time we caught a movie together? And it only started at 12am!!! We had to wait for 2 hours before the show commenced. Was just sittin around orchard, chit-chattin and Rac was so stressed up with her trip to algeria that she started crying. (Pat on her shoulder). Gal, we will always be there for you, just like how you were always there for us. U have us to rely on. Depend on us, its alright. Don't try to be strong and push away people who are sincere to help u.
Oh, Jason saw me in cineleisure (my ex-bf, not cere's bf) but i didnt see him. He msged me and asked if i was in town. My gosh, its been more than a year since we last saw each other. We chatted on the phone and hey, he was also gona catch the movie Hitch. Hey Jason, sorry didnt wanna chat much as you were drivin. Think you had a hard time concentrating and trying to find your way to a 'secret place' huh. And also haha..thank you for reminding me that i called you a jerk the last time. I couldnt remember much.. which means u aint a jerk lah. laughs. Yup, i will eat more ok. One mth plus later u see me, i wouldnt be that skinny. smilez.
The show was not bad. Comical when it comes to the 'dancing' part. Luv that 'Yea' Usher song. Quite touching as well, heard people sobbin. Thank u gals for watchin it with me. Im glad i mangaged to catch it and its with you gals. I had so much fun. Luv u guys. Thank you lord for putting joy to my life.
i cried my heart out at 10:28 AM
hellooooo
i cried my heart out at 12:05 AM
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Emailed my dear cousin and asked him if i could go Toronto to visit him today.
After which i called up my mum and asked if i could go over to Canada for a break (i deserve and need it badly). She was quite cool with the idea, as she & my dad were thinking that i need a good break after so much trauma and drama in my life. Then she asked if my cousin is having exams, if yes then it would not be very nice.
My cousin called up soon after! And he was like 'is there anything wrong..something happen to you or what? how come you suddenly want to come over to Canada. He said he could sense something was wrong after he received my email. Haha. Nah, just want a long break & enjoy myself.
The airfare is sooo exp..even more expensive then going to Paris??? Gosh..but im prepared and willing to pay. No matter what. Hope my parents agree to it. $1500 for just air ticket. How long do you intend to stay here?, my cousin asked. you can stay as long as you want. SMILEZZZZ. but..i told him..'maybe minimum a month,gota think of my food expenses and stuff you know..'
Then he said 'dont say your cousin is stingy, you dont have to worry about your food expenses at all'... SMILEZZZZ again... REALLY??? Indeed sucha dear cousin of mine. Always treat me soooo nice. So touched. Now maybe i dont mind staying there more than a month. Hehe. I heard that the branded stuff are cheap. And i can buy my abercrombie & fitch and GAP!!!!
Im so excited. I really want to go. He said i have to be prepared. 22 hours of flight. Stop over at JAPAN??? YEAH!!! Narita airport only..haha. But never mind, at least i land at Japan. Not only that, i have to stop over at Vancouver again and take a domestic flight to Toronto. Phew..Sounds long doesnt it? And im travelling alone. Wouldn't it be exciting? Im not upset anymore. I have so much things to think nowadays. No space for sadness.
Emailed my dear cousin and asked him if i could go Toronto to visit him today.
After which i called up my mum and asked if i could go over to Canada for a break (i deserve and need it badly). She was quite cool with the idea, as she & my dad were thinking that i need a good break after so much trauma and drama in my life. Then she asked if my cousin is having exams, if yes then it would not be very nice.
My cousin called up soon after! And he was like 'is there anything wrong..something happen to you or what? how come you suddenly want to come over to Canada. He said he could sense something was wrong after he received my email. Haha. Nah, just want a long break & enjoy myself.
The airfare is sooo exp..even more expensive then going to Paris??? Gosh..but im prepared and willing to pay. No matter what. Hope my parents agree to it. $1500 for just air ticket. How long do you intend to stay here?, my cousin asked. you can stay as long as you want. SMILEZZZZ. but..i told him..'maybe minimum a month,gota think of my food expenses and stuff you know..'
Then he said 'dont say your cousin is stingy, you dont have to worry about your food expenses at all'... SMILEZZZZ again... REALLY??? Indeed sucha dear cousin of mine. Always treat me soooo nice. So touched. Now maybe i dont mind staying there more than a month. Hehe. I heard that the branded stuff are cheap. And i can buy my abercrombie & fitch and GAP!!!!
Im so excited. I really want to go. He said i have to be prepared. 22 hours of flight. Stop over at JAPAN??? YEAH!!! Narita airport only..haha. But never mind, at least i land at Japan. Not only that, i have to stop over at Vancouver again and take a domestic flight to Toronto. Phew..Sounds long doesnt it? And im travelling alone. Wouldn't it be exciting? Im not upset anymore. I have so much things to think nowadays. No space for sadness.
i cried my heart out at 9:22 PM
I think its getting a little scary. I woke up at 9am yesterday and i woke up at 8am today. Its getting earlier. And why can't i sleep? Because somehow i still have some fears in my life and i would always be awaken by those unforseen thoughts. Those thoughts would run through my mind in the early hours of 6am every morning. Thus i couldnt get to sleep.
God. Please take away my fears and my agony. Its time to lead a normal life like how i used to be. A girl who used to be independant, has a mind of her own, know what she wants and a cheerful girl. No one should control what i think from now on.
Some people would just inflict agony to people and gain happiness for themselves. While the person is enjoying the best times of the life, the other is struggling to build a new one. Selfish. But reality.
I have decided to learn dancing, hip-hop. Maybe at amore fitness. Anyone interested can join me..
i cried my heart out at 4:20 PM
Jus luv this song! Damn nice. Hope to hear it while clubbin.
Verse 1:
Weren’t you the one who said that you don’t want me anymore
And how you need your space and give the keys back to your door
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me
And still you said your love was gone and that I had to leave
Now you’re... talkin bout a family
Now you’re... sayin I complete your dreams
OhNow you’re sayin I’m your everythinYou’re confusin me
What you sayin to me, don’t play wit me, don’t play wit me
Cause….
Chorus :
What goes around comes around
What goes up must come down
Now who’s cryin’, desirin’ to come back to me
What goes around comes around What goes up must come down
Now who’s cryin, desirin’, to come back
Verse 2:
I remember when I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you til 3 o’clock in the morn
And when you came home you’d always have some sorry excuse
Half explainin to me like I’m just some kind of a fool
I sacrificed the things I want just to do things for you
But when it’s time to do for meYou never come through
Now you... wanna be up under me
Now you... have so much to say to me
Now you... wanna make time for me
Whatcha doin to me, you’re confusin me
Don’t play with me, don’t play with me, cause
Verse 3:
I remember when I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you till 3 o’clock in the ‘morn
Night after night knowing something goin on
Wasn’t long before I be gone
Lord knows it wasn’t easy
believe me Never thought you’d be the one that would deceive me
And never do what you’re supposed to do
No need to approach me fool, cuz I’m over you
[Chorus 2X]
i cried my heart out at 7:22 AM
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Back from town. Did nothing today. Jus lazing around with my dearie. Stupid gal took 2 hours to decorate a birthday card for the french guy. 9 days to her departure. Have to see her as much as i could. Irritated her with sooo many of my Questions. laughs..And she wanted to kill me and said 'Stella it is not your fault'. Okay alright i got it.
Haven't been shopping for more than 3 weeks. Isn't it amazing? Well yes, because im dumb to overspend last month's allowances for that worthless anniversary gifts etc. But never mind, looking forward to my pay soon.
Life being single. Not bad actually huh. Get to go out and do whatever you want. Go out with guy friends without restrictions. Widen the choices. No need to report or think will the other party be unhappy. But hey, if i were to meet a guy i like then let nature takes its course.
Approached by those modelling agency again. No thanks. what a hoax. Approached by a yuppie today. No thanks too. Ard 24 yrs old i think but now, guys hmm.. slowly find. Be independant for now first.
Mummy's birthday tomorrow! Happy birthday mummy! May your days be filled with love by us. Hugz. Will they sponsor me for the vancouver trip if i wanna go..laughs.
Back from town. Did nothing today. Jus lazing around with my dearie. Stupid gal took 2 hours to decorate a birthday card for the french guy. 9 days to her departure. Have to see her as much as i could. Irritated her with sooo many of my Questions. laughs..And she wanted to kill me and said 'Stella it is not your fault'. Okay alright i got it.
Haven't been shopping for more than 3 weeks. Isn't it amazing? Well yes, because im dumb to overspend last month's allowances for that worthless anniversary gifts etc. But never mind, looking forward to my pay soon.
Life being single. Not bad actually huh. Get to go out and do whatever you want. Go out with guy friends without restrictions. Widen the choices. No need to report or think will the other party be unhappy. But hey, if i were to meet a guy i like then let nature takes its course.
Approached by those modelling agency again. No thanks. what a hoax. Approached by a yuppie today. No thanks too. Ard 24 yrs old i think but now, guys hmm.. slowly find. Be independant for now first.
Mummy's birthday tomorrow! Happy birthday mummy! May your days be filled with love by us. Hugz. Will they sponsor me for the vancouver trip if i wanna go..laughs.
i cried my heart out at 8:25 PM
Only me. Time to party!
i cried my heart out at 6:16 PM
love me!
i cried my heart out at 5:15 PM
A new me, A new life
i cried my heart out at 5:06 PM
23rd March 2005 - Wednesday
Marks a new beginning in Stella's life.
Woke up at 9am, mind was filled with thoughts, couldnt sleep. So might as well wake up. I was wondering how to start a new life. Everything seems weird.
In the morning:
Received a call from Bangwei. Thanks for your utmost help, appreciated it. Thanks once again for all the goodies. There are still alot left uneaten. Dont restock them. laughs.
Received a call from Rachel, my dearie and gona meet her in town soon.
Received a call from Harold. Called me just to ask me how am i? Great pal (a pal i love to hit him on the arm) haha! Remember my dinner(s) with you okay. Anytime man! Then we shall go to places where your bike can do wonders that a car can't!
Talked to Brendan on Msn. Yes brendan, movies and hurry, get fitter! need the sun badly
Soon after, i went to bathe. Told myself to have a thorough bath. Hope that cleanses my old self away. Prayed to god in the showers ' Father, i would like to have a new beginning in my life, i hope i will have a better life than last time and i hope that you be with me. Sunday's baptism, i hope you will cleanse away all my sins and change me into a better person'
Got out of the bathroom, immediately received a call from Ceres. And guess what? She told me she has a job to offer me and im definetly chosen. What job is that i asked. An advertisement for HP. Just for a day and need 3 hours! Cool! I need work and here my opportunity comes. And it's something that im looking for. No permanent jobs for me. I want my hols as well, dont wanna slough. Going for holidays (hurray), so i cant look for a permanent job ya.
Thank god. I will strive for a happier & better life with you. Am i a little happier today? yes yes..
i cried my heart out at 1:12 PM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Stella
a girl who gives her all just to love & be love
a girl whose heart is as fragile as glassonce broken can never be mended back;
unless a prince put the pieces back into one, then she is able to breathe and love again
Is she living in her neverland world again.
sweet-nothings are really sweet "nothing"
stability is what im looking for. not temporary flings.
Don't play with my heart; nor break it
Dont ruin a girl's life.
For i'm whom, love is everything to a girl
My comments on Shujing's blog (Clarence current gf)
Yup, im finally here to drop some comments becos it seems that im involved. For those of you who are shujing & clarence friends, its natural that you side them as my friends are doing the same. Nobody knows the exact story except for me & clarence.
Whatever clarence has told you guys, im not keen to know. Bcos there are always 2 sides to a story. U guys hear them while my friends hear mine. Afterwhich a great arguement started. So there must be some distorted facts. so who exactly said what?
Aint important seriously. Jus as long as conscious is clear to what me & clarence have told to our friends. To my frens: thx for standing up but leave them alone. Wish both of them happiness.
Stella
a girl who gives her all just to love & be love
a girl whose heart is as fragile as glassonce broken can never be mended back;
unless a prince put the pieces back into one, then she is able to breathe and love again
Is she living in her neverland world again.
sweet-nothings are really sweet "nothing"
stability is what im looking for. not temporary flings.
Don't play with my heart; nor break it
Dont ruin a girl's life.
For i'm whom, love is everything to a girl
My comments on Shujing's blog (Clarence current gf)
Yup, im finally here to drop some comments becos it seems that im involved. For those of you who are shujing & clarence friends, its natural that you side them as my friends are doing the same. Nobody knows the exact story except for me & clarence.
Whatever clarence has told you guys, im not keen to know. Bcos there are always 2 sides to a story. U guys hear them while my friends hear mine. Afterwhich a great arguement started. So there must be some distorted facts. so who exactly said what?
Aint important seriously. Jus as long as conscious is clear to what me & clarence have told to our friends. To my frens: thx for standing up but leave them alone. Wish both of them happiness.
i cried my heart out at 6:38 PM
Father, i would like to end the night with a few prayers:
'Father, i thank you for planning ordeals in my life to make me grow. Though initially, i was asking why do i have to go through such troubles and i was seeking an answer from you but the answer never came and i was impatient. But you answered my prayers and gave me an answer eventually.'
'Father, i know that if life is a bed of roses, humans will never learn anything. Only through ordeals does one learn in life, i guess we only learn the hard way for we shall not make the mistake once again. Though i have gone through the most upset times of my life in 21 yrs, the roller-coaster rides for the past 1 month, i have not blamed you father. I know you wanted me to learn something out of it and i did'
'At first, i thought going to the bible study has disrupted everything in my life because thats when all the troubles started coming in and i couldn't handle it but now i know, its a blessing in disguise. You have given me a clear answer by letting me see the whole picture day by day. Although it pricks me father, it would hurt me for awhile but i have gotten rid of the permanent pain that you do not wish to befall upon me. Its going to take, i dont know how long to recover and adapt to my new life, but i know you will always be with me'
'Father, im looking forward to be baptised on easter sunday.' Amen.
i cried my heart out at 7:42 AM
YEAH!!! Today i had my last paper! Before i went to school to take my exams, i had to do something important..
Darling rachel stayed at my house yesterday night. She was concerned that i was admitted to the hospital and even bought me chocolates and sweets.. Thank you babe. Thank you for being there for me.
Well, i was asking her 'should i give him back everything?'. She kept slient a moment, looked at me and didnt know what to say. Then i started digging out everything and packed them nicely into a box with all the stuff toys. Everything used to be my precious treasure. Now it meant nothing. I didnt felt unbearable to part with all those stuff. I thought it was the best solution.
Then, i woke up in the wee hours, around 5am to study. After which, i had to drag rachel up as we had to head to his house early in the morning before my exams to return the stuff. I wasn't upset nor did i cry. I wanted to do it before my exams so that i could focus on my papers, with a lightened heart.
After my papers, i came out of the room, feeling a little relieved. My exams were over, finally. I messaged my mum, bcos she has been so concerned about me, msgin me to eat my breakfast and ask me to do well for the papers and not to think about stuff. I said: 'Mummy, today's papers were okay. I could manage the paper because i have already let go of the problem' (she has yet to know that i returned the stuff). Don't worry. I am going out with my friends to enjoy and relax.'
She replied ' This is going to be my best birthday present that i received from you knowing that you are alright and have let go of the problem'. I choked. I almost cried. My eyes were filled with tears. Why? Why such a simple msg telling her that i'm alright would be the best birthday present she ever received? In my heart, i was filled with guilt. I felt so remorseful, that i was breathless for sometime as the tears that i was controlling was choking me. Why did i felt remorseful? Because a month ago, i was quarreling with her over my r/s matters and told her not to interfere with my r/s and i would handle them myself. I told her sternly that i do not wish to quarrel with her and i would not tell her my problems anymore as she would nag at me.
But from that day til now, she has showed unconditional love for me. I couldn't eat for the past few weeks because of my r/s prob. she would suggest to bring me out for sumptous meal, she would buy my favourite food, she would come to me every few hours and try to stuff something into my mouth. While i was crying, she would be there for me to listen to my problems. When i felt weak and couldn't study, she would come to me and gave me a massage, everyday. When i couldn't walk, she had to hurry herself with my dad at 4am in the morning to send me to the hospital. Do i deserved all these? I scolded my mummy and told her to ignore me. I love my mum. I did cry for saying such stuff to her a month ago. I know she loves me and is concerned for me. But i chose to ignore. But she was always there. No matter what.
'Father, i would like to apologise for what i have said that hurt my mum in the past and i thank you father, for giving me such a wonderful mum' Amen.
I went out with the gals for Marche treats and they went for a shopping spree. I guess i was tired, physically and emotionally as the past few weeks have been a terror. I didn't have the mood to shop. Met up with rachel after that and coicidentally met Jason at Far east, as he went to touch up his tattoo. Been a month since we last saw him. Glad to see he is alright too. Suggested that he go walk around with us (went wisma, tangs, topshop to search for presents) and we ended up at Lido 'McCafe' for drinks. Caught up abit with each others' lives.
Took a lift from Jason to go home. Thanks for offering to send me home, otherwise i would have to beat the 1 hour boring bus ride and feel really bored. The vespa ride, was forever cool. I love the strong wind gushing against my skin, felt like it was blowing my troubles away and the thrills of going through narrow gaps in between the cars. The expressway was the best. Remember huh, i become your clubbin kaki from today onwards. U be happy k!
i was thinking of getting a job. A job whereby there is exposure to people. Alyssa, delsise & grace, i was just kidding about the match-making agency huh. Don't worry about me. No rebound periods or in the search for guys. At least i could joke about it ya. Im improving. Just want exposure you know. I have constrained myself too much the last time thinking that it would be unfair to my partner but what the heck. Im single and eligible now, its high time i get exposure.
Plans for myself:
1. Find a job. Flexible,short working hours with er hem, you know the criteria of the 'people'
2. This saturday, confirmed clubbin with just Ceres & rac at Goodwood park hotel
3. Next wednesday, confirmed clubbin at zouk with delsise and alyssa & more people..
4. Next friday, rachel leaving for algeria...sobz
5. Mid april, our HUGE SHOPPING SPREE at Bangkok. ..I need a break man.
6. Mid april, our Dinner & Dance
7. AUSTRALIA or STAR CRUISE..anyone wanna go? excited like a little kid
i cried my heart out at 6:09 AM
Sunday, March 20, 2005
I know the whole truth now. Finally.
It kills but it woke me up.
It really ain't worth it. everything was invested. nothing came back.
but i believe i will have better days.
I know the whole truth now. Finally.
It kills but it woke me up.
It really ain't worth it. everything was invested. nothing came back.
but i believe i will have better days.
i cried my heart out at 11:30 PM
Saturday, March 19, 2005
really strong intuitions tell me you are with someone else if not trying to move on with life. getting happier each day w/o me. if it is, i can only wish u all the best. there is nothin i can do if a heart is changed. i can only forget.
really strong intuitions tell me you are with someone else if not trying to move on with life. getting happier each day w/o me. if it is, i can only wish u all the best. there is nothin i can do if a heart is changed. i can only forget.
i cried my heart out at 9:16 PM
yes ruth, i do agree with you that whenever i get closer to god, there are bound to have things happening to hinder me. once i started goin for bible study, so many unhappy things happen out of a sudden but i will keep in faith. thank you for your hospitality of letting me study with you at your house. Thank you for trying to build me up. I can only say lots of thanks to alot of you guys out there. appreciate it.
i cried my heart out at 4:37 AM
Friday, March 18, 2005
im really looking forward to tuesday..22nd of march. Its the day of my final exams. And its also my favourite no. 22 so i hope it all ends well.
will i have a better life after my exams? will i still feel lerthargic and motionless after it. i hope not. I thank god that he has made the days passed faster and in 2 days time is gona my first paper. I thank god, i only have 2 papers for my final year.
Father, i just want to thank you, from my deepest heart that you have been with me for the bad times i gone through. I thank you for making me a little stronger and letting days pass much faster as it seem. In jesus name, amen. I really thank god for everything. even if its some ordeals that i've got to go through, i learnt that god has plans to all our problems. and he wants me to grow up and learn from my problems. Jesus never promised life to be a bed of roses. He wants us to learn to be more christ-like by planning obstacles in our way. It depends on how we choose to react to our problems.
Its something that i felt strongly for, anyone who is reading it, be it christians or non christians dont agree with me, its alright. cos its my blog. my expression of certain stuff.
my mum's birthday coming,24th march. hopefully she will have a pleasant and simple celebration. She is always worrying for her two little girls that in her eyes, never seem to grow up. I hope she will be a happy mum and get blessed and we will definetly be filial to her.
im really looking forward to tuesday..22nd of march. Its the day of my final exams. And its also my favourite no. 22 so i hope it all ends well.
will i have a better life after my exams? will i still feel lerthargic and motionless after it. i hope not. I thank god that he has made the days passed faster and in 2 days time is gona my first paper. I thank god, i only have 2 papers for my final year.
Father, i just want to thank you, from my deepest heart that you have been with me for the bad times i gone through. I thank you for making me a little stronger and letting days pass much faster as it seem. In jesus name, amen. I really thank god for everything. even if its some ordeals that i've got to go through, i learnt that god has plans to all our problems. and he wants me to grow up and learn from my problems. Jesus never promised life to be a bed of roses. He wants us to learn to be more christ-like by planning obstacles in our way. It depends on how we choose to react to our problems.
Its something that i felt strongly for, anyone who is reading it, be it christians or non christians dont agree with me, its alright. cos its my blog. my expression of certain stuff.
my mum's birthday coming,24th march. hopefully she will have a pleasant and simple celebration. She is always worrying for her two little girls that in her eyes, never seem to grow up. I hope she will be a happy mum and get blessed and we will definetly be filial to her.
i cried my heart out at 6:09 PM
just weighed myself today. a mere 39kg still. I guessed as much because my appetite is still not improving.
Thank u my parents, my mummy. I am touched that my parents know that i aint having appetite for the past week and has been wanting to bring me out for delicious food. However, becos i do not have the appetite, i do not wish to go and they have to follow suit and just be accomodating to me.
i suddenly received an apology from a friend today for what has happened. didnt expect any apology because i didnt want to pursue any matters. but still, yes i am able to accept your apology and forgive, but whatever has happened these few weeks, i dont know how long it will take for me to recover.
i cried my heart out at 3:11 AM
Monday, March 14, 2005
im losing so much appetite that im losing weight. i cant believe i just weighed myself and im 39kg now. its only losing appetite for 3-4 days and i lost 3 kg. i have to improve my appetite i guess. Everyone is asking me why im suddenly so skinny. stella must eat..hopefully..
im losing so much appetite that im losing weight. i cant believe i just weighed myself and im 39kg now. its only losing appetite for 3-4 days and i lost 3 kg. i have to improve my appetite i guess. Everyone is asking me why im suddenly so skinny. stella must eat..hopefully..
i cried my heart out at 4:04 AM
Sunday, March 13, 2005
tots of smoking, drinking and partying to drown myself. but its avoidance isnt it.
tots of taking a cigarette from my friend, tots of drinking til i never wake up and tots of partying all night and not come home.
but all these, its avoidance isnt it.
can a puff take my troubles away. can drinking drown my sorrows away. can partying everyday relieve my problems..i think its all very superficial. it goes back to emptiness soon
im losing myself so much. am i going to lose myself further. til i never find back who i use to be. thou im losing my mind, i hope im still a little awake.
I know when a person is upset, a person tends to do very wrong things. but i do not want to do wrong things that hurt myself, and especially hurt others. whatever i do, accounts for them as well. i will not let my love ones down.
tots of smoking, drinking and partying to drown myself. but its avoidance isnt it.
tots of taking a cigarette from my friend, tots of drinking til i never wake up and tots of partying all night and not come home.
but all these, its avoidance isnt it.
can a puff take my troubles away. can drinking drown my sorrows away. can partying everyday relieve my problems..i think its all very superficial. it goes back to emptiness soon
im losing myself so much. am i going to lose myself further. til i never find back who i use to be. thou im losing my mind, i hope im still a little awake.
I know when a person is upset, a person tends to do very wrong things. but i do not want to do wrong things that hurt myself, and especially hurt others. whatever i do, accounts for them as well. i will not let my love ones down.
i cried my heart out at 10:19 PM
Saturday, March 12, 2005
my world has died. i am not the stella i am used to be anymore.
nobody understands the trauma i went through. i wish to run to someone. who can i run to.
i dont want to be me anymore. i wish i died. really. but when i think of my parents, i think i will let them down if i died.
y do i still have to think for others, when others dont even think for me. y do i have to go through all these when i am about to go crazy.
its hard pretending to be happy in front of people, esp my parents. I wished i wasnt at home but at the same time, i do not want to step out to the outside world.
some people think i am acting pitiful, do i have to thank those people who made in into such a state. if you could go through what i have gone through, you dont know how much strangled i am.
who can i talk to. talk to my best fren, it didnt help. talk to my blog, talk to god..
maybe its better that i lose myself. im sorry rac, alyssa, ruth, grace, my parents. i am not strong. im weak,i admit. im starting to think if im losing my mind. and it scares me. i dont dare to be strong cos i dont want to fall again. i wished i cry and and never be able to cry again.
i really dont want to be the stella anymore. im tired. im really tired. exams..i give up.
my world has died. i am not the stella i am used to be anymore.
nobody understands the trauma i went through. i wish to run to someone. who can i run to.
i dont want to be me anymore. i wish i died. really. but when i think of my parents, i think i will let them down if i died.
y do i still have to think for others, when others dont even think for me. y do i have to go through all these when i am about to go crazy.
its hard pretending to be happy in front of people, esp my parents. I wished i wasnt at home but at the same time, i do not want to step out to the outside world.
some people think i am acting pitiful, do i have to thank those people who made in into such a state. if you could go through what i have gone through, you dont know how much strangled i am.
who can i talk to. talk to my best fren, it didnt help. talk to my blog, talk to god..
maybe its better that i lose myself. im sorry rac, alyssa, ruth, grace, my parents. i am not strong. im weak,i admit. im starting to think if im losing my mind. and it scares me. i dont dare to be strong cos i dont want to fall again. i wished i cry and and never be able to cry again.
i really dont want to be the stella anymore. im tired. im really tired. exams..i give up.
i cried my heart out at 4:35 PM
Friday, March 11, 2005
Father, when no one believes me, i do hope you believe in me. Amen.
Father, when no one believes me, i do hope you believe in me. Amen.
i cried my heart out at 8:13 PM
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Words get spread like virus. gossips are menace.
and you'll never know what you said and meant will end up with another person in the exact same structure and meaning.
i should learn to be tactful with what i want to say.
A biggest mistake i learnt. and its a huge payment i had to make for this mistake.
Dont ask me what it is. Something personal that i want to keep it within myself.
Words get spread like virus. gossips are menace.
and you'll never know what you said and meant will end up with another person in the exact same structure and meaning.
i should learn to be tactful with what i want to say.
A biggest mistake i learnt. and its a huge payment i had to make for this mistake.
Dont ask me what it is. Something personal that i want to keep it within myself.
i cried my heart out at 3:19 AM
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
friday march the 11th is not anticipated. Not because its the end of my sch (wee!!!) but something else. its gona be boring and sucky. yea it is. highly predicted.
I should study hard, should start studying this weekends. So that i can have a relaxed study week next week. Sleeping spells are going to start working again. It always happen during my major exams. I wonder how i passed all of them when i slept almost all the way through during my study breaks. Laughs.. Probably im too energized huh.
sighs, one more week plus to total freedom. No exams, no projects, no schools, no lectures but a diploma! Oh ya..and no sewing!!!! three cheers!
friday march the 11th is not anticipated. Not because its the end of my sch (wee!!!) but something else. its gona be boring and sucky. yea it is. highly predicted.
I should study hard, should start studying this weekends. So that i can have a relaxed study week next week. Sleeping spells are going to start working again. It always happen during my major exams. I wonder how i passed all of them when i slept almost all the way through during my study breaks. Laughs.. Probably im too energized huh.
sighs, one more week plus to total freedom. No exams, no projects, no schools, no lectures but a diploma! Oh ya..and no sewing!!!! three cheers!
i cried my heart out at 6:47 PM
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Thank god its not wisdom tooth. Glees. Its gum infection..phew. And its horrifyin to visit the dentist after 6 years of avoidance. Was praying so hard on the way to the dentist that it isnt wisdom tooth and i dont want extraction.
Well, was telling the nurse that im here for consulation as the gums at the back of the tooth was swollen, and she immediately said 'oh must be wisdom tooth'. Then i was 'really..' shattered. I had 2nd thoughts in walking into that room but the dentist smiled at me, signalling me to go in. She checked and said ya my gums are swollen and its protruding out but no signs of wisdom tooth. I reconfirmed with her again..and was delighted! Tot i could leave immediately but she said she will have to disinfect my gums by cleaning n polishing. hefty price of 50.
Owells, what can i say. Just gota lie back and hear the screeching sounds. Eeee..terrifying. Its natural to be afraid of the dentist. Was praying to god throughout the whole process. Thank you lord. I came out safe n sound. And i did feel a little better.
Thank god its not wisdom tooth. Glees. Its gum infection..phew. And its horrifyin to visit the dentist after 6 years of avoidance. Was praying so hard on the way to the dentist that it isnt wisdom tooth and i dont want extraction.
Well, was telling the nurse that im here for consulation as the gums at the back of the tooth was swollen, and she immediately said 'oh must be wisdom tooth'. Then i was 'really..' shattered. I had 2nd thoughts in walking into that room but the dentist smiled at me, signalling me to go in. She checked and said ya my gums are swollen and its protruding out but no signs of wisdom tooth. I reconfirmed with her again..and was delighted! Tot i could leave immediately but she said she will have to disinfect my gums by cleaning n polishing. hefty price of 50.
Owells, what can i say. Just gota lie back and hear the screeching sounds. Eeee..terrifying. Its natural to be afraid of the dentist. Was praying to god throughout the whole process. Thank you lord. I came out safe n sound. And i did feel a little better.
i cried my heart out at 2:33 PM
Sunday, March 06, 2005
the song Azelea just touches me. it brings back memories and its nice to reminisce. music is the heal to the heart? haha. prob.
the song Azelea just touches me. it brings back memories and its nice to reminisce. music is the heal to the heart? haha. prob.
i cried my heart out at 10:40 PM
yes its my wisdom tooth growing and its indeed hurting my gums. Ouch. I dont want to visit the dentist..runs away.. O lord, God, please take away my gum pain and hope the wisdom tooth will grow in the right place that doesnt protude the gum. Amen.
i cried my heart out at 5:58 PM
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Okie, saw this post on the bulletin board on friendster by my dear friend Grace. Hee..sorry, any copyrights? haha. I help you post it on my blog okie? Its kinda long..i mean very long. I wonder who wrote this!
Love the girl in your heart, not in your mind.
If you base your relationship on feelings, it will fail for there are ups & downs in feelings.
Girls are there to be loved, not toyed around.
Love her for who she is. Don't even think about changing any bit about her.
6 billion people in this world & 6 billion different personalities.
She's special & she will stay that way.
You change any part of her, you'll change her forever.
Don't substitute her for anyone else, they are just unique in their own ways.
Love whole-heartedly. She sacrificed a lot for you so you'd better really treasure her.
She could have just got up & date a so much more dashing guy in town but she chose you instead all because of love.
So love her guys, not play with her.
Don't just get the girl to beg you to stay or whatsoever. If you're with her, love her.
Don't cause a strain in the relationship, you'll end up loving each other out of pity or charity, that's not respecting love at all.
Respect love the way it is & everything will be thebest it can be.
I've been there & I know how it feels.
Don't expect perfection from her.She's the only one in the world & she's done the best she could. Like another girl while you're in a relationship? Then I think it's time you remain single for a while.
Don't go around breaking girls' hearts, it's the most tragic thing to do.
Tell the truth, never hide anything from her. If youwant her to tell you everything, do the same. Don't go calling other girls "honey" or "darling", how would it feel if your girl calls other guys the same way?
Be faithful,enough is enough.Socialise only when you're single. You socialise &flirt around is to get the girl of your dreams. Get it over when she's already yours, don't ask for more.
It never kills to be romantic. Think, be flexible. Getting that diamond ring isn't the only gift for her. Be realistic, she's human & she lives life just like you. Something sweet & simple always get the job done.
Money doesn't exist between couples, it's the love.Never promise her that you'll love her forever because your forever might end the next day.
Love her as if each day is the last. Sweet talks only apply for singles, not for attached guys.
Do that & you'll really break your girl's heart.
Isn't good being too well-known too, it'll give her a sense of insecurity. Remember, INSECURITY. Promise her & make sure you never break it.
Swear to her & make sure you keep it. Pledge your love to her & her alone.
Loving her is giving her your heart to break it but trusting her not to. Instead, she'll cherish it & protect it. That's love.
Give her your heart, your life, your everything. Lay down your life & prepare to die for her when the need arises.
But stay strong & live through another day, she can never live without you.Never, ever walk out of her life.
She won't just cryher heart out & carry on living as per normal, she'd die. Its her heart that you've broken, how would you ever know how she feels?
Winning a girl's heart isn't the final victory. Don'tleave her once you've won her love. Love her all the way till the end of time, love her till marriage, love her till old age, love her till death.
If you can love her till the end of time, you've earned the honor & respect for you've truly loved her.
She chose you because she believes that you canfulfil your promise.
Win her heart & love her over.Remember, the girl isn't a trophy for display, she's someone to love, not to show off to your "friends".
Stay humble yet proud that she's the one for you.
Respect her for the way she is, never despise her & never mistreat her, never even think of toying with her.
Okie, saw this post on the bulletin board on friendster by my dear friend Grace. Hee..sorry, any copyrights? haha. I help you post it on my blog okie? Its kinda long..i mean very long. I wonder who wrote this!
Love the girl in your heart, not in your mind.
If you base your relationship on feelings, it will fail for there are ups & downs in feelings.
Girls are there to be loved, not toyed around.
Love her for who she is. Don't even think about changing any bit about her.
6 billion people in this world & 6 billion different personalities.
She's special & she will stay that way.
You change any part of her, you'll change her forever.
Don't substitute her for anyone else, they are just unique in their own ways.
Love whole-heartedly. She sacrificed a lot for you so you'd better really treasure her.
She could have just got up & date a so much more dashing guy in town but she chose you instead all because of love.
So love her guys, not play with her.
Don't just get the girl to beg you to stay or whatsoever. If you're with her, love her.
Don't cause a strain in the relationship, you'll end up loving each other out of pity or charity, that's not respecting love at all.
Respect love the way it is & everything will be thebest it can be.
I've been there & I know how it feels.
Don't expect perfection from her.She's the only one in the world & she's done the best she could. Like another girl while you're in a relationship? Then I think it's time you remain single for a while.
Don't go around breaking girls' hearts, it's the most tragic thing to do.
Tell the truth, never hide anything from her. If youwant her to tell you everything, do the same. Don't go calling other girls "honey" or "darling", how would it feel if your girl calls other guys the same way?
Be faithful,enough is enough.Socialise only when you're single. You socialise &flirt around is to get the girl of your dreams. Get it over when she's already yours, don't ask for more.
It never kills to be romantic. Think, be flexible. Getting that diamond ring isn't the only gift for her. Be realistic, she's human & she lives life just like you. Something sweet & simple always get the job done.
Money doesn't exist between couples, it's the love.Never promise her that you'll love her forever because your forever might end the next day.
Love her as if each day is the last. Sweet talks only apply for singles, not for attached guys.
Do that & you'll really break your girl's heart.
Isn't good being too well-known too, it'll give her a sense of insecurity. Remember, INSECURITY. Promise her & make sure you never break it.
Swear to her & make sure you keep it. Pledge your love to her & her alone.
Loving her is giving her your heart to break it but trusting her not to. Instead, she'll cherish it & protect it. That's love.
Give her your heart, your life, your everything. Lay down your life & prepare to die for her when the need arises.
But stay strong & live through another day, she can never live without you.Never, ever walk out of her life.
She won't just cryher heart out & carry on living as per normal, she'd die. Its her heart that you've broken, how would you ever know how she feels?
Winning a girl's heart isn't the final victory. Don'tleave her once you've won her love. Love her all the way till the end of time, love her till marriage, love her till old age, love her till death.
If you can love her till the end of time, you've earned the honor & respect for you've truly loved her.
She chose you because she believes that you canfulfil your promise.
Win her heart & love her over.Remember, the girl isn't a trophy for display, she's someone to love, not to show off to your "friends".
Stay humble yet proud that she's the one for you.
Respect her for the way she is, never despise her & never mistreat her, never even think of toying with her.
i cried my heart out at 7:11 PM
Friday, March 04, 2005
im dying..eye hurts. think there is something growin in it. a bubble or ulcer. i dont know. prob its due to the lack of water and the humid weather. all thanks to my sewing which i didnt move an inch for 8 hours, that prob contributes to my eye sore.
Anyway, i wanna thank my pals. U guys have been really sweet, smsing me to check out on me and see if i was alright. 'im fine, dont worry.. was my reply' I aint lying gals, i didnt cry so im strong yea? Its only during the bad times when u see the true colours of a person. am i right to use this phrase.
prob humiliation is the word to describe with just a word.
im dying..eye hurts. think there is something growin in it. a bubble or ulcer. i dont know. prob its due to the lack of water and the humid weather. all thanks to my sewing which i didnt move an inch for 8 hours, that prob contributes to my eye sore.
Anyway, i wanna thank my pals. U guys have been really sweet, smsing me to check out on me and see if i was alright. 'im fine, dont worry.. was my reply' I aint lying gals, i didnt cry so im strong yea? Its only during the bad times when u see the true colours of a person. am i right to use this phrase.
prob humiliation is the word to describe with just a word.
i cried my heart out at 6:55 AM
Thursday, March 03, 2005
One of my fav song of Boa called "Azalea". Damn nice. Too bad still cant find the lyrics in english, only korean. Humph.
Opening:
"Look, i need you to understand that I love you and i can see it in your eyes that you love me too you know. I dont want you to go, i want you to stay..forever."
Gudenun morujyo ne gojimiso esso sumgyon naui sarangi
guden gor gunun morujyo ojoda hullin duthan jarbun nunbiche
irgijang gadug so neryogadon gude irumi nar aphuge he
* We ajigdo guderoni dajimhejanha nur naui sarangun ne ane inunde non naui gurimja
** Hold me tight I can see in your eyes
wonhanun nar dorabwajwo
here I'm waiting for you until you look at me
irohge gidarinungor uyonhi argedoen noui bonhu amuron mardo
haji motheso naege hwado nagejyo aryonhi dullinun usumsorie
molliso baraman bogoinun naui mosubi nar aphuge he
* repeat ** repeat
Tell me how you feel I'm waiting for you negen han saram no hana punini gude hangsang dwie inun narur
ije arajugir irohge hangsang gido hartheni
** repeat
D/l and listen to it. No regrets.
One of my fav song of Boa called "Azalea". Damn nice. Too bad still cant find the lyrics in english, only korean. Humph.
Opening:
"Look, i need you to understand that I love you and i can see it in your eyes that you love me too you know. I dont want you to go, i want you to stay..forever."
Gudenun morujyo ne gojimiso esso sumgyon naui sarangi
guden gor gunun morujyo ojoda hullin duthan jarbun nunbiche
irgijang gadug so neryogadon gude irumi nar aphuge he
* We ajigdo guderoni dajimhejanha nur naui sarangun ne ane inunde non naui gurimja
** Hold me tight I can see in your eyes
wonhanun nar dorabwajwo
here I'm waiting for you until you look at me
irohge gidarinungor uyonhi argedoen noui bonhu amuron mardo
haji motheso naege hwado nagejyo aryonhi dullinun usumsorie
molliso baraman bogoinun naui mosubi nar aphuge he
* repeat ** repeat
Tell me how you feel I'm waiting for you negen han saram no hana punini gude hangsang dwie inun narur
ije arajugir irohge hangsang gido hartheni
** repeat
D/l and listen to it. No regrets.
i cried my heart out at 11:45 PM
my darlins
i cried my heart out at 11:37 PM
guess what is this?
i cried my heart out at 11:36 PM
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
little nono hungers for love and the words 'hello papa' stuck in her throat..
little nono hungers for love and the words 'hello papa' stuck in her throat..
i cried my heart out at 9:46 PM
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
daily routine: munchin on cornflakes with milk. skipped my dinner cos i didnt have much appetite but thinking of cornflakes with cold milk...mmm..irresistable. laughs..well it aint that delicious, just that its healthy n the cold milk smoothes the humid weather.
Havent have much to blog lately becos i've been doing my projects or studying or quizzes. Its been a long time since i got together with my friends for buddie time. Well, to me, 2005 is a year of farewells. Bidding goodbye to people who are close to me. I wonder how my life is gona be when one by one leaves and my whole world shrinks.
I lost:
daily routine: munchin on cornflakes with milk. skipped my dinner cos i didnt have much appetite but thinking of cornflakes with cold milk...mmm..irresistable. laughs..well it aint that delicious, just that its healthy n the cold milk smoothes the humid weather.
Havent have much to blog lately becos i've been doing my projects or studying or quizzes. Its been a long time since i got together with my friends for buddie time. Well, to me, 2005 is a year of farewells. Bidding goodbye to people who are close to me. I wonder how my life is gona be when one by one leaves and my whole world shrinks.
I lost:
- my retarded piggie
- my best frens, rachel who is leaving to Algeria on 18th march
- & ceres, who is goin to US coming August.
- Lin's flying to Adelaide soon.
Will my world crumble. No one to be there for me when im upset, no one to share woes and happiness with, no one to shop and bitch around. Yea, how i wish im flying overseas and study as well but im bonded with MOE. so fat hope.
Life's gona be clicking emails, making distant calls to catch up with one another. No physical interaction. huh. Right, all the gals are leavin and there leaves poor pixie in spore. boohoo. And someting that angers me. TP jus came up with a new course 'Retail Management'!! Grr..why does it always benefit the younger generation. Im graduating and there comes my interested course. Life is unfair. No questions asked.
i cried my heart out at 10:40 PM
Happy April's Fool my friends!
Im going downtown today to do some last minute shopping errands with Rac before we head off to her home to collect her luggage. It seems like im so free everyday? *chuckles..Going down to town, sentosa, car rides, supper & so many more. A spinster's life. Haha.
..Fill up more drama(hopefully not) in at the airport later..
i cried my heart out at 6:58 PM