[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Saturday, April 09, 2005

im tired over many things.

I would like to thank harold,for coming to the rescue all the way from his house to that faraway place and picked me up. He was in the comfort of his own house,just reached home at 1am, i called him & he rushed down. Really felt so guilty over it. *thank you so much buddie,how many times have i imposed on you just because i was feeling weak & you are always there.*

How did i really felt when my last semester fared the worst out of my entire education in TP, not being able to maintain my top 5% position this year because of some hurts that was inflicted into my life & to know that some people actually did their best. It kills. Just kills me. A saying 'People's happiness is sometimes gain from other's agony' . It so aint worth it. People are smiling in their hearts while darts pierce through my heart. It aint this matter that upset me entirely, there were many others.

Thank u brendan, sorry for making you watch my ugly scene.

Harold came to pick me at 2am,trying to find his way. Never once left me in the lurch. I was feeling terrible. The contents were at the brim of my throat, my mind seems to waver & i didnt know exactly what i was saying, was feeling hot & my stomach hurts. It happens each time when i drink few mouthfuls of alcohol.

It has been years since i gobble down a bottle of alcohol. I'm lousy, even now, sipping a few mouthfuls of beer would hurt my stomach & made me wanna puked. (my liver cannot metabolised alcohol) I am actually surprised that i finished the bottle of Barcardi because usually halfway, i would start puking. I just felt like drinking, so that i could go home & fall into deep sleep. I need someone to pour out my feelings to cos i'm feeling so suffocated. It started to drizzle & i had to run for shelter to wait for harold.

Yea, thanks harold for being thoughtful, bringing a bottle of mineral water for me. It saves me a little though. The car was parked. It started to drizzle & i suggested to lay back in the car wanting to admire the raindrops,whilst listening to music. It was nice. Soothing & cold, talking. Nice to chill with drinks ya. I wonder how long we stayed there. Really long i think..I deprived him of sleep & he has exams next week. Thx boy, i really appreciated your unconditional help.

17 days left to my disapperance..

i cried my heart out at 11:22 AM