[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Saturday, June 25, 2005

I've finally taken up the courage to fill in the application form for NTU hostel today. Its really a nerve-wrecking decision for me. "Yes" and "No" kept swaying in my head. But after my mum passed the newspapers to me regarding the hostel stays for students in NTU & NUS, i finally made up my mind.

It's time to be independant again. Really independant. I've just taken one big step by travelling alone, but that isn't independant enough..cos i stayed with my cousin. I have to rid that phobia of living alone. I want to decorate the room & make it as cosy as my own room. I want to have time by myself, without my parents naggin everyday. I want to go back to my room after classes, listen to music, daydream on my bed & eat my lunch or dinner or even snack at any time i wish. I wanna go out late at night with my friends & creep back to my room. I want to further understand myself betta. Sometimes i find that i'm too lost when i have people around me,that i do not have the time to know myself in-depth. And that is truly important to me. Its time i know who i really am. I can't lead a life so vaguely. Life is not about waking up, eating breakfast, lunch and dinner, going to work, then going back to sleep at night.

However i kind of pity my parents. My sis is going to Japan coming july for 2 years & i'll be moving into my hostel around the second week of july. The house gona be quiet and dinners will just be left with both of them at the dining table. I guess that will be the time when they start to miss their two little girls' squabbles. But i guess this is part of growing up. We have to leave our parents somehow. I'll try to make it home for dinner when my lessons end early or during the weekends. It's betta than me trying to hitch a cab every morning to school & rushing with time. I'll lead a very stressful life just by travelling to that inconvenient school.

I'll start to hunt for furnitures soon..Kinda happy. I'm starting to really think that 2005 is sucha overwhelming year for me to cope with endless changes & challenges that are put before me. *Phew. They better be good ones that mould me to be a stronger girl.

so itsy witsy bitch..fcuk off. Grr. Or i'll kick your ass. *Poof*

i cried my heart out at 10:18 PM