[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Milo dino brought us to Holland V (which i suggested cos i wanted to chill out there)and they had XO fish head noodles. Too bad, i had dinner at home so i wasn't hungry & for the fact that i had to restrain from 100% alcohol, i abstained from it.

I guess Milo was shocked to hear my life story since young til now. He said 'U always look like a chirpy & happy girl to me' but didn't know there were so many behind the scenes that were left untold. He even apologized for making me tell him my past. Sometimes it does leave me that sour feeling, & i'm surprised for the fact i really went through it. Rufhie & my church people like to say i'm a strong girl, you know i still don't agree for that very fact. It's some great people around me that made me stand up.

Then because Amy didn't allow me to eat the noodles, Milo felt queer & asked why & i again, had to tell him what happened & he almost just drop his chopsticks and said that my life has been a drama. Before that,i was telling him how much i hate myself, since young and it has made me the kind of person that wanted everything because of a deprived child & teenhood.

I know many are unhappy with me for the fact that i ain't contented with my life, my sis & my elder cousins etc. Seriously speaking, it's because you haven't been in my real shoes, haven't tried to understand what i have been through, so sometimes i don't think you should be so judgemental. And u just don't know how much i don't like myself but trying to accept who i am. There is always a story behind what the person has become. Even though my sis & i are siblings, we lead different lives, which i really don't want to repeat saying & i'm sure my sis knew what i had gone through that i didn't want it to happen esp when i was younger.

I know all of you want the best for me. I am trying to create that best out of me. Whether or not i am contented, i am learning to be satisfied & i am to a certain extent. I do know how to think, & doesn't mean that i do not think the way you do means i do not know how to think. That is very subjective. I will carve my life, promised.

i cried my heart out at 7:20 AM