[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Saturday, January 22, 2005

alrites..party's over..Im staying at home doing housework. Another weekend spent at home. Why? Because we always have cold wars esp during weekends and thus we never seem to be able to spend it together. It has become a routine. Every sat and sun, i would just have to find things to do to kill time when he goes out with his friends, for drinks or shoppin..watever. Yes i know, its my fault. Not blaming anyone but me.

Yesterday met rac and ceres at compasspoint to get Jing hui's prezie before we head down to the condo. He would definetly love the prezie cos its just so cool and branded. I was feeling pretty hungry,once i reached there, i just sat down and gobble food down. The food was not bad, and i popped down so many m&m's and ate a slice of delicious chocolate cake. Yummy. Also had a bottle of hoegarden beer..mmm..best beer in the world. Just love white beer! Ceres and the guys were the photographers of the day and we again, took many pictures and we cant wait to flash it on friendster! haha, all of us just love taking pictures together. We are just like a family, everyone knows everyone and we became good friends with Jason's cousin etc..Met his cute little cousin named Jia wei yesterday. So big eyes and a cute dimple..aww..just love to mess his hair up.

Rac decided to take a dip with her cheongsam on with Ping hui. Haha, and she was shivering like madness cos the waters really cold at 11pm. Too bad the security guard came and chased them up. The guys were really incredibles, didnt want to go home even if its 12.30am so they decided to play games by the pool. however, i guess the game is a brain cell killer and most are tired and wasnt very keen with it. I wanted to go home as i have been having late nights these few days, just hope that i could sleep early tonight. Just as i was about to go home, jason and ceres sorta have a conflict about the going home issue. It ended quite bad..and ceres & rac stayed so that jason wouldnt be mad. But i really wanted to go home so Jing hui and pinghui drove and send me home. Felt kinda bad..they should have just stayed there and play the games. I could always take a cab home. its kinda near. But the guys just wouldnt allow cos its like 1 plus in the morning. first time, i see the 'perfect couple' had a not-so-good conflict and in my mind i was thinking, is there no such things as perfection even though they do look like a perfect match. each couple has their own problems and stuff..outsiders would never understand.

Ooh and Jason has got a really cool tattoo at a very mysterious place. we only got to see half of it, haha..only ceres gets to see the whole picture. Its nice..damn..just like the calvin klein underwear model and Jason was wearing that too. Just hope they are okay, no more quarrels after the night's incident.

well, for me. my guy's been treating me really nice. always bringin me to nice places and restaurants and treatin me food that i have never eaten before. Actually, i have no idea y he loves doing that but it has always been that case, he just loves to bring me to nice places to eat. however, sometimes i wonder..am i really a person who loves eating? the answer is not really. And i did tell him so many times i dont crave for such stuff. I mean, all i want in a guy is to be there for me when i need him and i dont need superficial stuff. I guess both of us at the end of the day, still do not know what each other wants & needs. If he could always accompany me to functions and parties and not leave me to go alone, i would be really happy. I dont need expensive treats to make me happy. But all these while, he has been doing that to make me happy. Yes im happy that he brings me to eat good food etc, it shows that he loves me but the kind of love that i want is not pampering me with treats. I just need a guy to be there when i want him to be. I always seem to be going solo to places with my friends. however when its any occassions at his side, i would follow him. I mean, im his gf, im suppose to be by his side whether or not i know the people. Since im his gf, i follow him. but he doesnt like to follow me and i always end up feeling lonely and shity and thats why quarrels pop up every now and then regarding the same issue.

I seriously do not know what to do. he is nice definetly. but it seems like the things i need is something that he doesnt like to do. and i have been wondering, am i able to give up the things i need for e.g. not asking him to accompany me to places or my friends' party. Can i really ignore that? i really dont know. i love him thats why i would think of ignoring that fact, but it seems all these while, im still getting upset with him for not joinin me. im confused.

i cried my heart out at 2:29 PM