[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Thursday, May 26, 2005

im totally psyched at the thought of goin to US tomorrow. Yikes.

I went to york university today to help ber at his stall. He's selling Cds & Dvds. i've got nothin to do so i volunteered to help out. I'm also working out some financial plans to plan ahead for my goal to study overseas & to go Tokyo. Jus heard from my sis that my parents are planning to go japan next year in June, so i might have to go with them instead. But i guess if i have the extra dough, i don't mind making a trip there end of this year. I gotta start saving like nuts to achieve my dreams. I dont know if i could make a trip down to Toronto again next yr in September to attend Ber graduation ceremony. I wish i could. So many things in my mind now.

I realized time is running out. I aint any younger. Between the age of 20 to 30, i should be doin the most out of my life. I have all the drive & energy to do so & i should. I shouldn't be staying at home, sleeping like a hog or be a couch potato. I just remembered bout my liver. I totally forgot bout my hep B once i'm here. So since i have this illness, maybe i should even more uptight bout cherishing my youth.

I don't want people to think of or remember me as a vase. I guess i have the ability but i didn't push further to prove myself. I ain't contented in just being a teacher. My dream wasn't to be in the teaching profession. It was more like my parents' dream. However during the attachment, i realized that i do have the passion for my students & i really wanna inspire them with my own touch. But i hope right after the bond, i wanna get out & pursue my dream - My cafe. I would still be young enough & would have the capital to do so. I'm so dying to study retail or business management if i could go overseas to study. That would help so much in pursing that dream.

I aint dreaming. I wanna make it happen. Ber knows this goal of mine & it has been in me since the age of 6 & my mom became my role model. She has always been the capable career woman & single mom in my heart. I always wonder how she could manage Prima Deli, Jack's place & Swensens few years back with her bare hands, minimal qualifications & make the biz flourish. Since i've got sucha capable mum whom has a business mind & talent, i have to grab hold & "make use" of it. Not "making use" of my mum but co-partner with her & do something big. My step-dad is a great baker. How could i not learn a thing or two from them & set up my own cafe? It would be a total waste. Ber said he would be a shareholder if i start my cafe.

How can i turn my dreams into reality? I dont think money is everything. It doesn't mean if you have the dough, you can have everything. Biz can flop within months if it doesn't have a smart strategy. I should start learning ropes from now. Dear God, this is my dream. I don't want a miracle, i need a process. Pls guide me.

i cried my heart out at 5:43 PM