[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Friday
Father, did u put me in NIE for a reason even though u know i'm not extremely keen to be a teacher? if it's your calling, please show me the purpose & direct me. i do feel so much happier & cheerful. U know why im feeling happiness inside me father, lead me to an abundance of smiles.

Each time when i hear the woes from my friends bout their new GESL group, i do feel a little fortunate that i'm not facing circumstances like them. Of course it's not as smooth going but at least friends were made and not just treat one another like just another project mate. Anyway, service learning is all about co-operation & togetherness.

Well, for those of you not having GESL today, lucky you! Got to know Lee Ching better, a sweet & outspoken girl. Me,Lee Ching,Ryan,Clement & Tyler went lunching after the meeting.Basically, we were just talking bout mates. Like how Ryan proposed to his wife and it was so romantic that if i think i was that girl, i would tear. Lee Ching was kind & wanna introduce her friends to me. Haha. It was very nice of her but of course i wouldn't. Hopefully it's just a casual remark. FATE. i wanna believe in it. Good time chit-chatting & laughin.

Lee Ching sent me an email for me to read & i find this meaningful:
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along."

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So, plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, and you really do have worth."

It was a surprise to meet Hai jun today, in NIE canteen. Gosh, Great to see you! Not in Canada this time though! Hehehe. Yesterday i just met another of my friend whom i have lost contact for 7 years.

I found so many friends in NTU that i haven't meet for donkey years. They just kept appearing one after another. The people i know are smart alecs huh..all flocking to NTU. Maybe more in NUS. I'll never know!

Thursday
Almost couldn't get up from bed today in the morning & had to rush to school. Went Club Momo til 1am and went to Rachel's house to sleep-over. Ceres's darling sent us home in an Audi convertible and Rac was bowled over with his car..haha..yea its cool. i only fell asleep around 3 plus in the morning, was chit-chatting with her. Anyway, our clubbing mood was dampened at Club Momo. The music wasn't to our liking. More of trance, techno with occasional of my favourite songs by alicia keys..they should just continue playing my favourite r&b and hip hop.

Went at a wrong time as well as they were having this 'Miss Tropicana' event and all of us were bored by all the bimbotic, sleazy and cheesy performances. Urgh. Really bimbotic. The guys in Momo were horrible i swear. I mean, in Chinablack, the guys were just as bad but i was molested yesterday. Yea..(people who don't like me, just laugh, whatever) but girls i'm here to warn you. The men would look at you like they wanna gobble you down and besides that, they would try funny things. I am so unlucky, Ceres wanted to go to the toilet and i accompanied her & it happened on the way to the toilet. It sorta just stunned me for awhile til i have no mood to dance & kept alert to the guys beside me.

Well, there was this another guy who deliberately sat beside me and introduced himself with his american accent and said that he just came back from overseas studies. I was reluctant to talk to him and Ceres & Rac was looking away & smirking. Luckily someone i know was there to pull me away to go for a walk for five minutes. I don't look like a dumb girl do i. I must learn how to handle such guys.

Wednesday
i'm exhausted. Lessons started from 8.30am to 12.30pm and 2.30am to 5.30pm. After 19th Sept, it would be worse. Additional lessons from 5.30 to 7.30pm. Count myself lucky now that psychology II has not commenced yet.

Though i'm exhausted, i have a good time in school today. Thank god. At least i'm happy, smiling or should i say laughing lots. Especially due to an incident that i relate to Ruth and both of us were laughing and i was embarrased to the max.

Okay, the embarrasing moment happened when i was in the canteen. Just as i was walking back to my table, i saw my GESL chairperson & he came over to talk to me bout the Minutes that im supposed to write since im the secretary. But the stupid canteen fan was blowing at me and my hair flew so it seemed like i was 'eating' my hair as a few strands of hair was blown near to my lips. I wasn't empty handed so i couldn't run my fingers through my hair and bring it to the back. I didn't know at that instinct, he lifted his hands to my mouth and helped me pushed my hair to the back. I was so embarrased as there were so many people around us in the canteen. I didn't even think he would do that. It was a very kind act but i think i was too startled til i went back & told ruth & both of us were laughing non-stop. DON'T get the wrong ideas okie girls. He is a very good husband to his wife! Yes he is married!

something else today makes me happy. I'm smiling in my heart. Plain happiness.

I'm gonna hit the club at MOMO tomorrow night..my buddies wouldn't let me off early i'm sure. Gonna be so tired on Thurs morning. Yawnz

i cried my heart out at 4:44 AM