[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Oh no..im feeling so giddy & nauseous. Just popped a panadol (extra strong) into my mouth.

Brendan, didn't you say that the ice mocha contains more of chocolate? it doesn't seem so..I am not blamin u ya. Don't worry..jus wondering y the caffeine is so strong..

Im not a coffee lover, not even a coffee person. Each time i drink coffee, i will feel giddy & feel like puking. I wouldn't be able to get to sleep even if i only had few sips of it. Yea its weird. I really think i am allergic to coffee. Feeling so unwell..Don't think i can make it to church tomorrow. I'm sorry father..

I didn't learnt my lesson. Rac & i once shared a drink & she wanted coffee so i accomodated her even though i told her that i would feel unwell if i drink coffee. And yup, when i went home that night, i couldn't sleep. Gota eat panadol cos i was feeling giddy & she felt so guilty that she stayed up til 3am in the morning to keep me company on the phone. (owells..miss her)

Feeling upset too. Its been a long time since i talked to Godma (Clarence's godma, whom i called Godma too when we were together). And i received a sms from Jonathan telling me that Godma asked me to keep in contact with her & she miss me. Think she only knew about the break-up today. I didn't dare to break this news to her. I want to keep her as my godma, she is someone i respect & love alot. But it would be a little awkward for me & Clarence. Cos no matter what, it's Clarence godma. I only got to know her through him.

She has been really nice to me & doted me like her own daughter. Always thinking for Stella. 'Stella, are u hungry?', 'Stella, you alright?' or 'ask Stella along for dinner'. And sub-consciously, i treated her like my mum all along. A wise lady that i can talk to as friend & also will not forget her when it comes to occasions. She thinks of me & buy things for me. Though it was just a short relationship of 1 year, i seemed to grow attached to people around him. Like his close friends, family & godma. Its unexplainable but i do know myself the reason behind. His parents are like my parents. Good buddies with the mum too. Do miss her hitting me (for fun) or putting her arms around mine while shopping. They will always be people that i treasure for life. It has nothing to do with Clarence. I choose to love them & i would.

i cried my heart out at 1:15 AM