[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Sunday, July 10, 2005

I'm in total awe today. All thanks to ruth. Thank u ruth, i am still very shocked by what happened in church this morning & i really thanked you for urgin me to meet pastor Francis.

Anyway, the story goes like this. Few days ago, Rufhie msged me & wanted to book me this sunday to come to church as Pastor Francis Khoo would be invited to our church. Since i have not been an obedient girl and skipped church for 2 months & i wanted to find out how 'extraordinary' this pastor is, i agreed.

I was the first in line to meet Pastor Francis for prayers. I was eager to get rid of my problems and wanted to him to pray for me, so i pulled rufhie down to queue right after our church service. Rufhie was telling me that Pastor Francis would know what problems you are facing & tell it right in your face...i was a little skeptical (as in, really?? Will pastor Francis know what i'm thinking & what problems i'm facing?') I can't wait for him to tell me straight into my face.

Then came my turned when Pastor Francis came down. Rufhie was telling pastor 'i need you to pray for my friend(me)' and so he pulled me and suddenly asked 'do you know God', i was kinda surprised by this Q that he asked cos i am a Christian so i said 'Yea i know god'...then Pastor said 'cos god is telling me that you seemed to be distant from him' (Oh my god...when he said that...i started to tear & tear non-stop unknowingly. Cos i've always think that i'm a very 'baby christian' and do not really know much about jesus. I did not attend church and cell group for two months cos i went to Canada and probably also, i am lazy. When pastor told me that Jesus said i was distant from him..i just cried..cos i felt remorseful and sort of felt the hurt that god knows that i'm not putting effort.

This was not the best part. Pastor Francis continued saying 'You are the only one in the family who is a christian' (OMIGOD, how do you know that???? This was the first time i met you and you know me!!!) And he continued 'And you feel that you are very alone and you feel that nobody understands you' (HUHHHHH? Yesterday night, i just told a friend of mine this 'i feel that nobody understands what i am thinking.' I did nothing but teared n teared. Tears just kept dropping as he said what was on my mind. He said something that made me relieved 'Your parents will come to understand you soon'

Remember the post i wrote yesterday. I was feeling so much stress and i don't know why? Pastor told me 'You are now facing alot of pressure from different areas and God will always be there for you to guide you.' Pastor!!!!! Why did you know that i am facing alot of pressure? And its not only one area..that was so true. It's pressure from many different factors!!! But i felt so calmed down when he touched my head and said that Jesus will walk with me. My tears were still running like a tap after he ended the prayers with me. I never understood why my tears would drop without control, without notice each time i'm in church, be it singing songs, praising god etc. I guess this is the love i felt from him & i couldn't express with anything but tears.

I'm pretty shocked the whole day. In a good way i guess cos suddenly i just feel that God has taken my problems away and i'm happier, really much happier today. What happened today proved to me once more that Jesus has always been there to listen to our problems & he really know each and everyone of us. Time & time again, you gave me encounters that really put my faith in you Jesus. Thank you Jesus...In jesus name, amen.

i cried my heart out at 2:52 AM