[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Thank you gracie..for taking time & effort to write that letter to me. I know i must have given lotsa worries to the clique for the past one year.

Yeap, there are sure many things that i don't understand & i have not found the purpose in my life. U know, as i was writting out the previous entry, i was wondering if i should post it up in my blog. Cos i know there would be lotsa people who are gonna voice their comments esp from the other side. But then again, i felt that since it is my blog & if that was what i truly felt, why can't i express them out instead of keeping it mum.

At least i dare to express my unhappiness. And if i'm gonna keep it silent in my heart, don't i seem like a hyprocrite. And for those people who have not been in my shoes & dying to fight back, would you truly understand the pains that i've gone through. It was not just a break-up if you think it's that simple. I had break-ups before, this wasn't the first time. There must be reasons why i have so much anger in this r/s & not others. so please don't stick your heads in.

As for what i wrote, Clarence know them. Clarence knew that i'm angry & could not seem to forgive him. U know how long did i try to put my past aside to start afresh & be happy, and when this thing came toppling down on me, i had to crawl up right from the start again. Most of the times, i do cry out to god & ask god to help me forgive him. It is not easy to have hatred in the heart, it only breaks & angers me. I prayed & read the bible yesterday & it came to me this phrase 'love not just your neighbours but your enemies'

So i hope everything that i'm mad at, would be gone with the wind with that entry after pouring out my unhappiness. Then i would be able to start afresh.

i cried my heart out at 10:11 PM