[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

School has been really hectic, wouldn't you agree with me? But something perk me up today! 3 weeks later would be the end of my NIE semester. Yeah!!! Hurray!!! Smiles!!! Grins!!! Chuckles!!! Phew!!! All the excitement towards the end of the school just rushes to me. My Adrenaline!! I have been enduring for a long time. Hmm, well, the time spent in NIE is actually very little, the semster is pretty short & i must admit that i'm still like a newbie in school. However, maybe the workload makes us feel like a thousand years have sailed past.

In November, i am not gonna slack though. I would like to fufil some of my little dreams that i've been wanting to achieve before i leave for a bigger dream to Japan. Every minute must be spent wisely & meaningfully. A person should have dreams, because having dreams will lead to the process of achieving goals. Perservance plus luck. That's what i hope i'll have.

U know, the month of Oct is the worst time for me & my fellow NIE teachers-to-be. Ever wondered how many assignments, reports, deadlines, exams etc are due this month? I dare not count them. I just know i'm trying to catch a breath everyday and sometimes missed that skip of heartbeat. I thank God for making the past two days enjoyable in school.

Why? Because we were given the opportunities to act as misbehaving students and test the patience or discipline strategies of our friends. It was an absolutely crazy time in class. Just imagine all the 'teachers-to-be' were acting to be sparstic, difficult, childish, rude and challenging & bullying the 'poor teacher'. Hee. Both the trainee teachers being tested almost gave up. They were actually laughing along with us too because the whole situation was hilarious & no discipline could have taken place. I am able to perceive the difficult times we are gonna get if we could act like the Sec 1 & 2 mentalities, the kids could do it better than us. The sitches in my stomach haven't recovered and i was one of the 'naughty' students giving a hard time to my friends. I better stop laughing, it will soon be my turn to be tested. Oops.

Sometimes, life just make it seem so hard. As you know, i never wanted to be an 'educator'. Yeap that's actually a word often used to describe teachers as well. But whenever they play videos of 'children struggling to learn despite their disablities & the teachers were having a hard time trying and learning to control kids with Down syndrome, Autism, low IQ etc' or 'teachers touching the lives of students & showing students' gratitude', i can't help but feel like i wanna do something, or even on the verge of tears. We were watching a video on a boy with Down syndrome in school yesterday & watched how the teachers try to cope with him in the class with other normal kids. It seemed helpless at first, the process was long & heartbreaking but finally when they showed him running on the fields during PE & his classmates were cheering for him, that moment freezed for me. I was extremely proud of him & could see how he enjoyed being in school even though he was 'different'. I had an overwhelmed emotion for that second. If i was there & i was his teacher, i would tear with joy & go over to hug him.

Maybe, probably, teaching is one of the most noble, meaningful & overwhelming profession in this world. What you give, you'll gain more in return. U gain a whole load of satisfaction when you see how happy your students are. I know that feeling. Been there & done that. It just becomes something that you feel that they are IN you & you are responsible for them. No wonder you see majority of teachers stay on in this line for sucha long time & never quit. They never say die...I respect them totally.

It's a rewarding profession than any other. In other professions, 'people live for themselves', they work for the money & get the best for themselves. In educating profession, we help people build lives & dreams. That's a major difference.

i cried my heart out at 7:36 AM