[Stella's daily confessions. I dare to confess, i love to express & i live to impress]

Friday, April 22, 2005

My step-dad tried to shove $ to me again.I rejected it. This is the 4th time he has been doing for the past few weeks.

Because of me, they didn't even think for a second & forked out $2000 for my air-fare. Next, they kept asking me if i've got money & wanted to give me cash for spending. I wanted to fly back early & had to pay $100 bucks for amendments of date, they paid. Then came my medical bills & they have to fork out $400 for my blood tests & medication.

And also because of my illness now, they went to buy travel insurance for me today & paid few hundred bucks for it. So today, when my dad wanted to shove money to me again, i said 'Stop giving me money!!!' Even no matter how tight i am, it's not nice. I felt really bad. I felt its their hard earned money. I don't wish to take it especially when they had gone over the expense for me already. Sometimes i feel that i haven't grow up. I need to grow up & stop being a burden to them. They are really nice to me..& it's not as if im the only daughter in the family.

Cell group tonight was wonderful. I thanked all of them for being so concern about my illness & keep me in their prayers. They are people whom i know recently only but showered unconditional care for me. Someone whom i was close to for a year & someone whom i thought loves me & cared for me turned out to be someone whom seem indifferent about my situation. Life is just ironic.

Well,im waiting for tomorrow. Chit-chat,window shop, munch on good food,laugh & do anything that make us happy. This illness made me see things in different perspective. I see it as an open door that triggers me to do things that i never dream of doing or have been too lazy getting up on my feet & start it going. if only it really becomes a starting point of my life.

i cried my heart out at 11:55 PM